My Snarky Corner

97lbs of Self Discovery

2011-05-16T11:26:00.004-05:00

As I sit here today and reflect over the last 8 months I had no idea who I would find by loosing 97lbs....I will say that I still see that fat girl when I look in the mirror but if I catch a reflection of myself in a window or see my shadow I am totally blown away with who I see. I was so miserable, so depressed, so angry with who I was...who I had become. I spent most of the last 10 years faking it the best I could...putting on a happy face, making people laugh...trying to hide my misery. I saw this picture of myself from a girls weekend away with my Taunties and Couzans in July and I cried harder than I've ever cried in my life...because I had no idea who I was looking at...Where did I go? The person I was looking at looks like she ate me or was wearing my skin all stretched out like that guy from Silence of the Lambs....What the hell had I done to myself!

...but at that point I knew that I had to make a change, that I couldn't live like that anymore...I didn't want to be FAT & FORTY! When I started this journey all I wanted to do was shed the weight...I thought that was going to make me happy. I started with exercise videos at home....wanting to spare the general public the site of a very large woman exercising and trying to get her fit on. I completely changed my eating habits, stopped drinking my beloved wine, cut out sugar and processed foods and I quickly saw results. I lost almost 20pds in less than a month. By December I was down 65pds and my sweet friends J and Legs encouraged me to sign up for Boot Camp Maintenance with Allie @ Project Fit....so on December 6th I started Boot Camp Maintenance and on March 18th it was over...I never missed a day. I lost 22 pds during Boot Camp Maintenance....it's what I discovered about myself that is more important than the weight loss-although I don't believe I would have had this self discovery without the weight loss....I discovered that I could accomplish whatever I set out to do...I discovered that I am goal oriented....I have discovered that I truly enjoy being pushed beyond what I thought I could do....I have to say that I have never been very good at depending on others for help...because I have been let down so often....but with an 87pd weight loss...I kicked the shit out of a few walls that I put up- With the help of J, Legs, Poppy, The Bunny, Hardcore Chic and Mr. Hardcore Chic Magnet, Mr. Shiny, Waterboy, Diane and of course Allie!!! Allie has created a place that people feel connected to one another...support one another and cheer each other on....I have NEVER experienced this at a GYM..EVER!!!!

On May 20th I started Couch25K with KitKat, Landry, Oldest, Youngest, Kelbell and Landry2! We inspired a group of others to start the program too....who knew!

May 13th I finished my first Boot Camp with Allie, Jo-T~~what nightmares are made of~~, Super Dave and Mr. Shiny....I improved in every area of our assessments!! I ran a mile in 10 minutes without having a heart attack or crying...although I totally have exercise turrets...sorry for all that witnessed that over the last 6 wks! I lost 10pds during this Boot Camp but again it's not the losses that I am excited about...it's that I was pushed harder than I have ever been pushed and I did it....I completed it and I gave it 100%!!!
I will forever be dedicated to Allie for helping me discover this person I didn't think even existed....without Allie I am not sure I would have. I am more grateful to her than she will ever know!

McHusband, Oldest and Youngest are so supportive and we have grown stronger as a family....I am no longer sitting on the sideline watching my people live and love life...I am living life with them, although they can't keep up with me now!!! It really is true...when Mamma's happy...everybody is happy and Mamma is so freaking happy!

I have discovered that I can't be bothered with being angry and sad when people disappoint me...I have to just move on....I can't dwell on what has happened....I just have to pick myself up...dust myself off and go for a spin or a run...or call one of my Foxhole Friends!

Thank you Foxhole Friends for running through this journey of Self Discovery with me....I am far from complete.... and I can't wait to see what's next!

Boot Camp is on!

2011-04-04T15:04:00.000-05:00

Today was the first day of Boot Camp...it was assessment day. We had to run a mile in 12 minutes or less....I completed this mile in 11:59. I have no where but up to go from here! This is the email that we all got from Allie today. She has been key in my loosing weight....her smile, her encouragement has made me push through the pain and work as hard as I possibly can. My attitude sucked when I first started training with Allie...and I am that person in class that looks at Allie like "You've got to be freaking kidding me!"...but I do it...I do what she tells me to do and I am becoming a better, fitter me because of it. She ended this email with...Wear Old Clothes-Effing awesome....I see wet and sandy in my future.....I want to be Hot&Hungry..not Fat&Forty...didn't think Wet&Sandy was going to happen....until after the Hot&Hungry...Afraid...I am very, very afraid!

Had two friend that I recruited to boot camp break up with me today.....I have a feeling they will want me back in 6wks!

Dear Recruits,

Congratulations! You made it through Day One of Allie's Boot Camp. It was certainly uplifting to see so many people out there this morning. We can handle the high number of recruits. The question is, can you handle us???

From past experience, we know that the numbers tend to fade as the muscles begin to ache, the fatigue sets in, and the egos become bruised. We encourage you to stick with it. Change your mindset when times get tough! Refuse to be discouraged! We can handle the high numbers! The question is, can you handle us!? The answer should be "Yes! Bring it on!"

Recruits, today was your easiest day. The down time you experienced during the assessment will not happen from here on out. Now that we have a record of your fitness levels, the game is on! If you truly want to improve your life, then make a commitment today to finish this journey you have started. Our program has what it takes to make you a better person in some capacity--physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually.

Attitude

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

Attitude to me is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than success, than what other people say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company, a church, a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable.

The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude...I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you. We are in charge of our Attitudes."

"Tough Times Don't Last! Only Tough People!"

"Comfort Zone! Failure Zone!"

THE BEACH IS BACK

2011-03-30T12:07:00.000-05:00

March 18th I completed a 14 week commitment to BootCamp Maintenance at Project Fit with Allie....I set a goal for myself to loose 17 pounds....I met and beat my goal by 3.5 pounds!!!! On April 4th we start our BEACH IS BACK BOOTCAMP....I am leaps and bounds stronger than I was December 6th when I started...but Holy Bootcamp am I scared....lucky for me this will be at 5:15am and it will be dark.

Last week: I stared the Couch to 5K program with Oldest, two of her friends and their mothers....we are 1/2 way through our 2nd week and I can't imagine being able to run a 5K at the end of the 9th week. I have set a goal for myself to run a 1/2 marathon with my friend Poppy Cock....not really sure what I was thinking....but it's crazy how goal oriented I have become. There has been so much going on with getting my fitness on that I have neglected my little Snarky Corner. I promise to do better!

Bottom Feeders

2011-03-30T11:52:00.000-05:00

This will be short and sweet...I will try to not be too much of an asshat! As I swim in the murky waters of Facebook...I have already been nibbled on by a few bottom feeders and I have to say, I am quite proud of myself for not crushing them to death. Yay me!!!! Keeping up with my People has been fun...seeing their pictures, hearing little stories...just saying hey is all pretty cool.

Oldest is really wanting a Facebook page....what to do, what to do.....she is such a great kid and makes really good choices.....it's not her that I worry about...it is the Young Bottom Feeders that I worry about...the ones that are hungry to bite at her. This is my dilemma right now.

Oh...the pressure was too much!

2011-02-09T09:47:00.000-06:00

Well...I drank the kool aid....I am swimming in the murky water that is FACEBOOK. I caved to the peer pressure from all the cool kids....I am not quite sure I understand what all the hype is about, yet. My very smart, super savvy Sister created my FACEBOOK page and made sure I was super secure and almost invisible...unless I deem you a suitable "friend". So, is it a good thing for me to have this much power? Probably not...but I do so muhaahhhaaaaaa! But then there is the rejection factor...what if I send someone a friend request and they don't except me....like for example: I have sent my once favorite aunt VKB a friend request....like 6 times...and still she has not accepted my request. WTF? Someone with such a large ~~ego~~ heart like myself finds this sort of rejection very displeasing...just sayin' ya'll!

I drank the Kool-Aid

2011-01-27T12:32:00.001-06:00

Well....I am drinking the kool-aid....that is the IPhone. McHusband had no cell service with Sprint where he is now working and was able to get out of his contract with Sprint......and so we have made the switch and we are now an IPhone Family.....what's next???? Facebook? Yikes! I've pretty much held out until everyone I know has overdosed or gone to Facebook rehab....so do I do it? Do I drink that cup of Kool-Aid, that is Facebook? The peer pressure that I am experiencing from my friend RockStar is almost more than I can bare....especially when she pulls up Facebook pages of other friends and there I am posted all over their Facebook pages...what's a girl to do?

My Goals for 2011

2011-01-07T16:08:00.000-06:00

I thought it would be hard for me to think of 11 Goals for 2011....but once I started....I found it hard to stop!!! These are my first 11.

1. Loose 50 pds

2. Finish Winter Boot Camp Maintance

3. Start and Finish Boot Camp....both Spring and Summer...(what can I say, I am addicted to Alli's abuse.)

4. Wear a bathing suit in April while we are on Vacation in Hawaii...without having to worry about someone yelling "Beached Whale...Beached Whale...someone call PETA!"

5. Ride a rollercoaster with Oldest....without the fear of me or Oldest falling out and dying tragically because of my fat arse!

6. Water Ski....I was the shit...once apon a time!

7. Take a trip with McHusband...just the two of us....haven't done that since BC(before children).

8. Sail as a crew member on Mr. Blue Eyes boat for the Harvest Moon Regatta with my Mom and Mrs. Blue Eyes.

9. Go Hunting with McHusband and shoot a deer before Oldest does....because I'm a biotch like that!

10. Journal everyday.....food, thoughts...everything!

11. Be Happy with the Girl in the Mirror...and Dance like there is no tomorrow!

New Year....New Me!

2011-01-05T16:58:00.002-06:00

So the other day McHusband asked me what I was giving up for my New Years Resolution.....and I just looked at him....with twitchy stabby eyes and was all "Really....I've given up Sugar, Eating in general, most drinking....I'm doing this Boot Camp two days a week, doing Cardio Boot Camp, working out with a Lesbian two days a week....what more could I do?" Maybe I could be a little less Snarky, drop the "F" word from my vocab...but really-I gave up SUGAR.....I am keeping the "F" word!

On a different subject....I got one of those questionnaire emails from Oldest the other night and one of the questions was what song would you have played at your funeral and it really got me thinking....I asked Cooney what her song would be and she thought for a few minutes and said "EYE OF THE TIGER"......for the rest of the night I tried to beat that song. I can visualize the service...where they have the video of all the pictures and everyone is so expecting Amazing Grace or Bette Midler Wind Beneath My Wings...but no...EYE OF THE TIGER! Honestly...how fu-awesome would that be? I told Cooney that if I die first I am stealing her song...cause all I could come up with was Vanilla Ice "ICE ICE BABY....too cold too cold" or Michael Jackson "Beat It" or Alanis Morisette "Bitch"....Cooney says if I steal her song and she is asked to say a few words...those few words will be "That Bitch stole my song!"....see Alanis Morissette's "Bitch" really is the winner!

So I ask you all...what song do you want played at your funeral? Do you want sad and sappy...or do you want a bottle of Patron and Kid Rock? These are the things that I am thinking about in 2011....I need to know these things about my people...~~incase I want to steal your song too~~!

Update: New Song....this is the song J thinks her husband should pick for her funeral if she bites it right now....

and this is why we are friends.....Dark and Disturbed!

Mr. Not so Shiny

2010-12-27T14:19:00.001-06:00

When I was talked into this Boot Camp thing by J, Legs, and Poppy; I really had no freaking clue what I was getting myself into....and now I am 4 weeks in and I can't believe it's already been 4 weeks! I am the complainer...the one always making a face or comment about how bad it sucks and how it is NOT more fun than watching TV, curled up in my Big Ass chair(which is getting bigger and bigger everyday) and drinking wine or coffee or VODKA! I have to fill my pain with humor, snark and sarcasim...it's who I am....it's what I do! It gets me through the pain.....that all these ~~bastards~~ healthy people are putting me through!

Last week J and I did something really smart....we went to Core Fusion on Thursday night(forgetting that we had Boot Camp on Friday morning) and ~~Mr. Not so Shiny~~ John was the Instructor....p.s. J and I were the only ones that showed up(other than Allie and Ms. D)....so you ask yourself if they went easy on us....I mean it would only be fare since we were ohhhhh so dedicated to not being FAT and FORTY that maybe he would be nice...NOT! Also...John aka Mr. Not so Shiny is Ahhhhdorable...he has those really sweet eyes and when he smiles his whole face smiles....as oldest would say...."He has a Face made for a smile!" Well that sweet face is deceptive....and when I left there...he was so not my friend!

Friday morning at 5:15 AM we have Boot Camp..and who else but Mr. Not So Shiny is there to greet us....seriously why am I paying for this? Oh yeah....I have lost 5.4 lbs in the past 3 wks and another dress size so I guess it's worth all the abuse I endured! I set a goal for this whole Boot Camp thang...that I would drop 17 pds in 14 weeks....I am 11.4 lbs away from that goal and I just know with the help of Alli and Mr. Not so Shiny...I am totally going to kick my goals ASS!

I have to say as much as I complain and tell J that I hate her and we are breaking up....but I'm so keeping the earrings...I secretly love this whole exercise thing....the feeling I have when I leave....or when I get home...and through out the day...well, it's almost better than Patron........speaking of my lover Patron.....we are on a break! I did have a glass of wine last night(only to finish the bottle..so it didn't go bad....I'm going green and trying not to be wasteful) but to tell you the truth....I think I am sort of on the Wagon........I used to love to have drinks...lots and lots of drinks...but now...not so much. Weird....could it be all these changes that I am putting myself through.......that I have lost that loving feeling for my lover Patron? Don't get me wrong....I'm not going to meetings or anything like that.....but right now I am so focused on not being FAT and FORTY....that I can't be bothered with the drinks......McHusband is tickled shitless...cause now I'm his driver....so he can drink like a fish swims and know that he will be safe and sound with Sober Suzy as his driver!

P.P.S.
I can't tell you enough how much I like Alli.... I really want to not like her, John and the rest of her staff when they are making me do things I didn't think my body could do...or when I can't sit on the toliet or when I can't bend down because I am so sore.....but to be honest there is no other place I would rather become a healthier person at...they aren't judgy people....at least not to my face....they may laugh their asses off when I leave....but at least they wait till I am gone..... and that's just nice, Ya'll!

H F H.....ho f*cking ho!!!!

2010-12-22T13:31:00.003-06:00

I totally have the Christmas blues and I can't seem to shake this funk that I am in......I will start by saying that ~~Captain Douche Bag~~ Mchusband has been working some FU-CRAZY jacked up hours and I am starting to feel like a Single Parent...which I totally didn't sign up for! Also....people are just down right rude during this Holiday Season...What gives? Why does the Season turn so many in to total ASSHATS?

Sunday the girls went to Lafayette with VKB...so I planned on doing Christmas Shopping and wrapping all the gifts....which I have yet to buy!

Monday I was at Ross and a lady ran over my foot with her shopping cart....then 3 minutes later another lady ran over the SAME foot with her shopping cart...and before one of you smartasses says something about me laying in the middle of the isle....I wasn't!!!!!! The second lady looked at me..and I was all "Really, you just ran over my foot with your shopping cart....why are you looking at me....did you want to apologize?".....and I swear to you she said "NO"....and walked off. I did a WhoooSawww...took my items to the front, checked out and went home...waving my white flag!

It's down to the final hour for me to get my shopping done....so I head to Target yesterday...where I spend about 2hrs doing ALL of my shopping! Oh, how I heart Target! Oldest wanted a pair of Toms ~~last year she said these were dreadful shoes when I mentioned she should get some~~ .....this was on the TOP of her list...and absolute have to have item.....and because I live where I live there is only one place that sells TOMS and it is a trek! I get a phone call from VKB....youngest is running a fever, crying and wanting her mommy...yes me! Again, WHOOOOOSAWWWWW...deep breathing....I can do this....I can do it all....I'm not going to snap, I'm not going to snap....VKB meets me in Crowely...get the girls and turn around to head back home.......get youngest settled in my bed and start wrapping Christmas......I finally finish about 1:15...and even got to see ~~Captain Douche Bag~~ McHusband.....Oh, yeah...while wrapping gifts...I cooked, did 3 loads of laundry, washed the sheets on Oldest's bed and made the bed for company that will be here TODAY!!!!! The icing on the cake.....my Soniccare toothbrush FUCKING broke...so I had to brush my teeth like a freaking cavewoman....God is testing me and I am an EPIC FAILURE!!!!!! Upside is this morning at 5am I got up..opened one of my stocking stuffers and beat the shit out of the air with Billy Blanks...you know it's bad when I resort to working out!!!!! WTF?

Buttah is in the hooooouuuussssee!!!

2010-12-22T12:56:00.000-06:00

Some of y'all know me, and some of y'all don't. So let me give ya a little run down! My name is Buttah. Snarky Corner and I have been friends for 11 years now. Her Oldest was only 11 months old when we met, so I have had the priviledge of watching her Lovelies grow up! Snarky is my BESTIE!!! She has been there for me through thick and thin! How did we meet you ask? We were working out at Curves here in town, and we always went in at the same time. First time I laid eyes on her I thought, "She looks like a total bitch." And funny thing, she thought the same exact thing about me!! Well, one day we happened to fall into a conversation and learned that we had a ton in common. So we started walking at the Civic Center after our workouts and we have been friends ever since! Snarky is such an important part of my life, she was also my birthing coach since Beer Man, my husband, was of no help since he passed out when I told him my water broke and had a major panic attack until C-man, our sweet little boy was out. Snarky was there for me, 4th degree episiotomy and all!! She truly knows me inside and out, pun intended!! Don't get me wrong, it hasn't always been peaches and cream...we have had our ups and downs, but we are each other's sticky booger....ain't no shaking either one of us off! I couldn't imagine my life without her!

So now that you know a little more about me then some care to, on to my thought for the day.....Be positive!! I know that we all have hard times in our lives, whether they be emotional, financial, medical, whatever, that we get down and out. That we can be Negative Nancies. But you know what? Not only are we down, but we can also bring others around us down. And I know that some of these situations can be pretty bad, and it might be hard to find something positive to come from this negative situation, but dammit y'all, the only way to get out of that funk is to be positive!! If everyone that was told they had cancer just rolled over and gave up, then we wouldn't have the joy of celebrating great things like Breast Cancer Survivor walks, or any other cancer survivors for that matter, cause there would be none!! We would all be depressed and the world would be nothing more than an ugly shade of gray!! Gray is a nice color, but come on now....who wants to look at that 24/7?? If I lost my job today, I wouldn't be dependent on the damn government for unemployment wages, I would go be a greeter at the Wal-Mart until I found something that suited me better, "Welcome to fucking Wal-Mart! Get your shit and get out!" See, I would totally be good at it!! But do you get my drift? Take something bad and make it better!! You know, the whole lemons and lemonade saying!! And add a little sugar and vodka to that....and it's a party y'all!! I have a friend that has a saying at the end of every email he sends....Think positive and life will become positive!

So yesterday, Snarky texts me about someone in her life that is totally bringing her down with all of their Negative Nancy-ness. And I know this person, so I could totally understand where her concern was coming from. My response was this, " you know, if negative people spent as much time being positive as they do being negative, they would attract way more positiveness and would discover bliss!" I know, pure genius right?? But it's the truth!! One can only take so much negativity for so long before it starts to affect them and their relationship with the negative person!! You can feel their nasty aura coming a mile away! So much, that it makes us twitchy just to hear their voice!! My whole point to all this....stop being so damn negative, or we are gonna start shipping y'all to a deserted island and y'all can all be miserable asshats together!! I'm just kidding of course, but those of us that try to find something good in our day, something to smile about, some good in our heart to spread to someone else.....want all of you negative folks to think twice about what you say, and do. Because your shitty mood....affects everyone around you, and the way they in turn think about you, and treat you. Besides, you could always have it worse than you do.

Be thankful and appreciative for what you do have and the people that love you! Be positive! Life can only get better! There is always tomorrow to look forward to. I'm about to break out in song y'all....."The sun'll come out...tomorrow!!" I do that sometimes...sorry! Snarky has learned to hear my beyouteeful singing voice all the way down Ryan Street!! I will stop rambling now....your regularly scheduled programming will resume in 3....2....

Pay it forward....do you believe?

2010-12-16T11:38:00.000-06:00

I am a big believer in Paying it forwrd....are you?

An Elf by the name of Josh Rogers just came in my office....donating the Christmas Meal and a little something extra for the Breaux-Perkin's family.

Josh's generosity continues to leave me absolutely speechless. Josh is the main reason that there is a "Snarky Corner"....it was his character that was attacked....that I felt needed to be delt with! I love him and his wife...and they will always hold a special place in my heart!

P.S. Please go pay Josh at OB's Bar & Grill a visit!

From the home and hearts of Jennifer Breaux and André Perkins,

Christmas time is here at last. It will the be the second Christmas for us this year, as we had a true Christmas-in-April. Two days before Easter, we were blessed with the greatest gift- custody of Andre's four children. They are wonderful kids and bring joy to us daily. Prior to living with us, they had experienced little in their lives, so nearly everything is exciting and new to them. Raised in a very isolated and restrictive environment, they had never experienced the joy of celebrating a birthday, learning to swim, or even going to school. They came to us nearly illiterate. The children had been "home-schooled" and lacked even basic phonetic skills and had never even heard the word science. The lack of development was severe- the twelve year old was unable to read words such as 'milk' or 'rice.' It was very hard to deal with on an emotional level. I took for granted how lucky I was to be literate and educated.

They were enrolled at Prien Lake Elementary and S.J. Welsh for the final six weeks of last year. Both schools have been wonderfully accommodating to their situation, and the kids are making leaps and bounds. The younger two children, Andre and Akeilah, have both become "A.R. Reading Heroes" at Prien Lake and are very proud of this accomplishment - Akeilah wears her AR dogtag constantly. When I walk in a room to see them reading leisurely, I am overwhelmed with awe and gratitude. Akyrrah, the older girl, now plays clarinet and hopes to join choir. Jeffery, the oldest, loves sports, but was unable to play due to age restrictions, though he made both the football and basketball teams during tryouts.

We are so luck to watch them grow, learn and dream. I hope to remind everyone to never take for granted the gift that is an education.

André and I have all we could have asked for this Christmas, but I can't say the same for the kids. It has been an uphill battle to keep them however. Doctor bills, tutoring, the constant need for new school uniforms (they grow so fast!) and the lawyer fees (still accruing) have put a strain on our finances. The kids understand and are not expecting much, but it would be wonderful if we could give them each something, even if it's small. They're really good, sweet-natured children.

Left to right: Akyrrah (13), Akeilah (9), Andre (11), Jeffery (15)

Jeffery (15): the athlete. loves the Saints, football, basketball, plays piano and the drums
Akyrrah (13): our girly-girl. Plays clarinet, sings, loves doing hair and accessories (boots, purses, hair clips, etc.)
Andre (11): our little soldier. Loves GI Joe, adventuring through the woods, and play swords. In Boy Scouts
Akeilah (9): the artist. Loves to paint, sculpt, just create things in general and is now an avid reader!

Hand-me-downs are great, especially school uniforms!
Boys wear L (12-14) & M (8-10) size shirts; 16 & 12 size pants.
Girls wear M (10) & S (6-7) size shirts; 12 & 8 size pants.

I hope your Christmas is as blessed as ours.

Cheers,

Jennifer Breaux & André Perkins

Zumba is not for this White Girl

2010-12-09T16:37:00.000-06:00

My ~~enemy~~ friend, Angela calls me Tuesday morning and is all "Hey..Zumba tonight at Spar, want to go" and I'm all "Hey lemme check with McHusband and I will get back to you." Oldest and I went and met Angela for Zumba. I have seen the infomercials and I have watched countless Youtube videos....and I am thinking this will be awesome...it will be so much fun...NOT! Lets just start with this: NO ONE should ZUMBA without first going to Happy Hour! I have always thought that I could dance...I could totally shake my groove thing with the best of them. I looked like I was having a SEIZURE...not to mention...I forgot the basic fundimentals of LEFT and RIGHT....seriously...ZUMBA made me completely loose my mind. Not to mention I had Oldest there laughing her ass off at me....real boost to the Self Confidence! In the end...I did sweat but not really sure it was because of the workout or the utter humiliation of it all! Zumba should be done in the privacy of your own home with all the doors and drapes shut....not in PUBLIC!!!!

Project Fit...Core Fusion...Boot Camp...OH MY!

2010-12-09T16:33:00.001-06:00

Tuesday I did a Core Fusion Class at Project Fit. I wasn’t even really sure I had a core…but Thursday when I tried to get out of bed…I found my core and it was sore…in fact I was quiet sure that McHusband had beat me with a baseball bat while I slept…he denies this of course,so I only have Allie and Project Fit to blame.

I let J talk me into doing this Maintenance Boot Camp for the next 14 freaking weeks! J and Legs came and picked me up at 4:45 AM...yes you heard me correct...I said 4:45 AM and we headed to Project Fit. Little Miss. Poppy Cock was there and her friend The Bunny too...and somehow I managed to wedge myself in between these two fitness junkies! Seriously half way through this I am thinking...WTF have I done...this is NOT more enjoyable than watching my DVR while drinking coffee, snuggled with my blankie in my Big ASS chair! Good new is....I didn't die and I finished....while I may not have been pretty doing it...I did it and finished. I did try and kick The Bunny off her ball...but when she said she would fall and fake an injury...I was all "OH BUT HELL NO!!!...you will suffer right along with this FAT girl!" I may have told J and Miss. Poppy Cock that I was going to break up with them about 300 times! I secretly loved the class and I am really enjoying this new found energy that I have....it is amazing what happens when you loose a 4th Grader! I had to set a goal for Boot Camp....so here it is. My Goal for the next 14 weeks is to loose 17lbs. I am working my arse off and I just know I can do it! As Allie says "It's all about the Climb" Of course this is coming from Ms. Project Fit herself...and if she weren't so damn nice...I would hate her guts...but as it stands she is too sweet to hate! Check out her website at http://projectfit.net/

Halloween recap....

2010-12-09T13:44:00.000-06:00

I totally forgot to share with everyone about ~~Whore O Ween~~ Halloween. October 31st is my friend Cooney's birthday...which to me is just hysterical because Cooney is scared of everything scary...be it a spyder, ghost, zombies...whatever, she is a big chicken butt! With that being said...I love her guts! Hot Matt(her man)planned a nice dinner with friends to Lake Charles' finest Mazens....and we had a lovely meal and afterwards Cooney and friends were going out....and she asked McHusband and I to join them. Let me start this by saying...it's been like 13years since I've been to a bar. We went to Bourbanz ~~a shithole dive of a bar~~ a very exclusive bar in Lake Charles.....and much to my surprise; almost every woman in that bar was dressed like a WHORE...and I do mean WHORE! Honestly I thought we were at a nudey bar ya'll! Lucky for me Cooney and Julia were there and they are equally as snarky as me...so it was great fun. At one point this girl walked in, in a prison dress...very realistc right..cause they wear dresses in prison, she started doing a lap dance on some poor homely girl that was wearing a sash and tiara that said it was her Birthday......I do have to say that Prison Girl had a smokin hot body and we were ALL enjoying the show she was putting on....I was DD and drinking water(trying to set the stage for you)...When Prison Girl turned around I dropped my water....because she had a face that would scare a grown man in PRISON! If fact I thought she had a mask on...but no it was her face....it did get even better with Prison Girl...she went to the bathroom and returned to the dance floor totally getting her groove on again...with toliet paper on her stripper boot! PRICELESS!!!!!!

I missed the memo on Halloween turning into WHORE O WEEN....and I am a little pissed that no one warned me before we went out! I loved Halloween when it was scary...or even funny...but this WHORE O WEEN....is just fantastic....next time I will be prepared with my camera because it must be recorded for us all to enjoy.

A Heavy Heart

2010-11-23T10:01:00.001-06:00

There has been too much death in my children's lives....too many tragic endings to life.

Yesterday we learned that their classmate's father killed their mother and then killed himself. Word's cannot express my heavy heart for these children that are now left without parents to hold them, tuck them in at night, read them a bedtime story, stroke their head when they are sick, hold their hand when they are scared, cheer them on when they succeed......How will they ever recover from this? These girls are beautiful, smart, funny, and so full of life.......now their hearts are heavy and sad for the loss of both of their parents.

Please put this family in your prayers.

Taking the F out of Fat Wicked Bitch....one pound at a time!

2010-11-11T10:36:00.005-06:00

Life has been an all new level of Crazy the past few months......with the shedding of weight has come a heightened level of energy that I didn't realize I was lacking. I don't believe that I have spent a whole weekend couching or watching hours of DVR recordings in months. I have lost 56pds...which is the equivalent to a 2nd grader or Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie(put together).....that is just Fu-Crazy.

My mom came in this past weekend....it was the first time she has seen me in a few months.....needless to say she was blown away! She made me feel so great....seeing how my Outlaws didn't say a word when I saw them the week before! Mom, the girls and I went to Lafayette to see VKB...I have had more fun the past two weekends helping her get her house back in order after her remodel....I don't know if I have ever laughed as hard as I have with her....she puts the Fu in Fu-Crazy! Maybe it's the ability she has at laughing at herself..almost as much as I laugh at myself that draws us together in such a way....whatever it is....it's been good for my soul! Thanks VKB...I love your guts!

Jackie Warner and I have a love hate relationship....while that Lesbian is kicking my ass in the mornings I am cursing her out....and I hate her ever loving guts, but when I step on the scale or look at a picture of myself....I have never wanted to kiss another woman on the mouth so bad! As I have said before her book "This is why your fat" has become my saving grace.....I have had so many Ahhhhaaaaa moments while reading it...if you haven't already gotten it...what the hell are you waiting for? Target has it for $17.50...go, go now and get it!!!!!

My friend J is doing a Boot Camp right now and she is Kicking Major Ass.... and as I have said before she inspires me...and I plan on doing the boot camp in the spring....hopefully by then I won't embarrass myself too much. J and I will be Hot & Hungry in no time....goodbye Fat & Forty!!!!!

So for now....I am living life....not watching life pass me by. I have energy to do things with my girls and McHusband. This weekend McHusband is off to slay deer....Oh how I love Deer Season..what it means for me is I can watch endless Chick Flicks and have lots of girl time without hurting McHusband's feelings, if he had any that is! I asked that Fucker last night if he was going to miss me this weekend? His answer..simply NO and I was all...you could have lied to me and said you will miss me like air! He was all...and you will miss me too, right? He got me.....My StepMonster and my sister are coming in for a girls weekend....and I can't freaking wait!!!!!

San Antonio is my Eutopia....or maybe it's just Texas !

2010-10-19T11:51:00.000-05:00

There is just something magically delicious about San Antonio and all that the city has to offer. J and Fleur De'Fabulous and I took a road trip this weekend..without children or husbands and it was absolutely FANTASTIC! I had a conference.....and lets be honest....the chance to take a trip with Girlfriends makes me warm and fuzzy inside! We got in late Friday evening and went to Me Tierra to eat a late dinner....if you have never been there...you need to put that on your list of places to eat...it's Divine! Saturday morning we woke up early and hit the pavement for some exercise. We walked the entire Riverwalk and then walked through downtown San Antonio back to our Hotel....the Riverwalk is just breathtaking at 7:30 in the morning...it's quiet and peaceful.

I got ready for my conference and took off to The Menger Hotel(across from the Alamo)...we broke out for a long lunch and took off to yet another wonderful Mexican Restaurant...and it was Fabulous too! At the end of the day my Conference was over...that evening we went to the Market and walked around...doing a little window shopping and listened to a band....we met up with the ladies from the conference at Me Tierra's and had a drink and visited.....then we headed back to the Riverwalk.....we did so much walking this weekend...it was awesome! We got a table at the Iron Cactus...which is my all time FAVORITE restaurant.....and yes it is Mexican too! I found a new friend in San Antonio....his name is Tequilame' ....check it out http://www.tequilame.com
I enjoyed the SkinnyGirl Margarita (Thanks Bethany Frankel)....it was the most fabulous Tequila ever....thinking of writing Mr. Patron a Dear John letter...that's how yummy the Tequilame' is....it is also made in San Antonio! So not only does San Antonio have the most Fabulous people but the best Tequila EVER! No one in San Antonio will admit it to me...but I believe there must be a secret code/boot camp you have to go to in order to live/work in that city.....I have yet to find one RUDE, NASTY person in that city....of course I am quite sure that is because they are all living in my town. San Antonio is my Disney world...it is magical, calming, inviting and just awesome Ya'll! My shitty attitude improves every time I visit...I might actually be a really nice person deep, deep down if I wasn't surrounded by such shitty people all the time!

FU-Writers Block.....and Hot & Hungry!

2010-10-15T08:56:00.000-05:00

Well...it's been brought to my attention that I have not posted in almost a month...and certain people are tired of seeing Life's been Fu-Crazy....but honestly it has! I am going through some changes right now....and trying to figure out just how much I want to share on my blog is really challenging my ability to write about anything else. So in order to cure my writers block....I've got to share the good the bad and the ugly!

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror a few months ago(I try to avoid mirrors, except for the small one I use to apply my makeup) and I didn't recognize the girl that was looking back at me....I cover my insecurity with my humor; poking fun at myself first...before someone else does. I have always been Snarky and Funny but I have become the Snarky, Funny Fat Girl. I love being Snarky....I love being funny....I love making people laugh, even if they are laughing at me....I just don't want to be fat anymore. Like my friend J and I say all the time...we would rather be
Hot & Hungry than Fat & Forty.
J got a jump start on me and she has inspired me.... to find the Hot & Hungry girl inside of me.....I love her! She is FU-MAZING!

I explained to Fish Bait today that something clicked a few months ago...before I made the CHANGES; I started looking at food different....sought the help of a nutritionist and started reading everything I could about the effects of food on my body. One of the things I discovered is; I was like a meth head...but my drug of choice is food.....thankfully it didn't make my teeth fall out or give me those really fucked up sores all over my face...or make me go sell my body for my next fix. Food is my crack, it is my addiction, my crutch, my fix....Except it isn't fixing anything...it's just made things worse and I lost myself....

So I have made major changes....and so far I have lost 47lbs and 4 dress sizes....I am no longer having to buy clothing with a "W" behind it(Which I believe secretly stands for WIDE not Women)!!!!! My feet aren't hurting, I am sleeping, I have energy and I am starting to like the girl I see in the mirror. Last night it was Queen's Birthday and we went to her Castle to celebrate with her. As I looked around the table at the beautiful women I have in my life....I almost cried......For some reason God has blessed me....and I give thanks to him... I did ask him on my way home from Queen's house what have I done to deserve these women? I personally don't know what they see in me, why they are my friends, why they love me....I know why I love each one of them...they are loyal, loving, kind, generous, supportive and Fu-Funny!

My bible is "This is why your Fat" by Jackie Warner. She is one BAD ASS LESBIAN....and I love her guts!!!!! I will go into more details about Jackie's book later...

Life has been Fu-Crazy!

2010-09-17T15:21:00.000-05:00

I haven’t had a chance to even think about posting…..life has been Fu-Crazy! The girls started school, which means freaking homework, school supplies, school uniforms, reading…..and all that School brings on. I have to say that I didn’t miss the girls going to school…we had a hellagood summer and I am totally pissed that it is over! I love late nights with the girls, no bedtime, no stress of homework or AR reading….both of my girls HATE to read and that drives me FU-Crazy…cause I love reading more that I love McHusband…not really but sort of.

Youngest tried out and made the Bulber Youth Orchestra….she is playing the Violin and absolutely loves it. Oldest is still not really sure what she wants to do, because she is limited to what day is “Convenient” for her…you see Mondays are no good because she is exhausted from the weekend, Tuesday she has a lot of homework, Wednesday she has CCD at Church….so that really only leaves Thursday. Fridays are out because of Jr. Cotillion. Interesting enough….she can’t find something that will work around her schedule.

McHusband has been working like a dog and trying to get ready for Hunting Season and the girls can't wait to go hunting with Daddy! Do you know what that means for me?????? WEEKENDS TO MYSELF....ALL ALONE WITH A GREAT BOOK...OR WITH GREAT FRIENDS! Oh, how I love Hunting Season!!!!!

Well, the girls and are off to Texas for the weekend. Leaving McHusband home alone with the Dogsm YIKES!

It's my Birthday! Yes Biotches it's still my Birthday!

2010-08-24T07:57:00.000-05:00

First week of school for Oldest and Youngest....what a week! After our camping trip and getting the girls ready for school....I needed a weekend at the house. Nicolocity had gotten us tickets(surprise) to see Natalie Merchant in H-Town for my Birthday....but my house was a WREAK and I had close to 12 loads of laundry to do... I had to decline, I know she was disappointed... hope she doesn't stay pissed at me for long. Oldest had a list of school supplies she still needed, as if the $100.00 I had already spent wasn't enough!

Friday, I was getting text's from all of my friends wanting to go to dinner for my Birthday....I wasn't in the mood to go out....just hang at the house would be nice. Friday afternoon I sent out a text to my people. I thought maybe a few would come but much to my surprise....everyone accepted our last minute invitation. Friday night Oldest spent the night with The Rose and Youngest spent the night with Lil Country Girl....I picked up the house and sorted laundry. VKB came in from Lafayette for a funeral and stayed with us.

Saturday, I cleaned house like a crazy person...my people started to arrive around 6ish..McHusband grilled hamburgers, hotdogs, sausage....there was not a shortage of food. In the end, we had 24 adults and 13 kids....not bad for a last minute shout-out.

As I stood in my kitchen and looked at all the faces of my friends....I couldn't help but think....I love that I am getting older, these women that I have in my life are unbelievable. Fishbait, J, Buttah, Lil J, Kitty Kat, Caro, Angelina, Cooney, VKB, Mrs. Stilletto's...they are such bad ass women and I am so glad to have them in my life.....and their husbands aren't total douche canoes...well at least for the most part!

McHusband and the girls got me a Keurig Coffee maker for my birthday...so excited about that.

I got this card from my friend J..."True friendship comes quietly, without planning."

Oh, how true that is....I never in a million years thought I would be so lucky to have such FABULOUS BITCHES in my life....but I do!

So for all you haters out there...SUCK IT!

I am going to rock the shit out of my Forties!!!!!

Tales from the Drunk Side......

2010-08-22T16:22:00.000-05:00

Cake that my bad ass friend made for me!

Our camping trip to Cajun Palms was a hellagood time! McHusband and I invited our friends Mr. Skyy and Angelina Swolelee to bunk with us. I knew it was going to be a fu-fantastic time by the car ride alone! We were the last ones in our group to arrive at the campground. Not only did I have the bread and rolls for dinner...I, apparently also had the "BOX-O-FUN" too. It's been awhile since we have all been camping together... I forgot how much I missed my people.

Friday night was pretty low key....everyone just hanging out and catching up. Saturday, Angelina, the girls and I went to see my new baby nephew. Angelina is a professional photographer...and offered to come with to take pictures of the new baby-how nice was that? We tried to do a little shopping but Lafayette was fu-crazy...so we headed back to the campground. McHusband, Mr. Sky, Angelina, and the girls all headed to the pool.....I needed a little quite time.

Skullet and Drummer Boy were in charge of dinner for Saturday night...and boy can they cook....everything was AHHHMAZING! I was sitting visiting with MiniMe...when I hear "Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you"....I am looking around wondering who they are singing to-they are walking to me...and I am all....WTF? Angelina made me a birthday cake.....FROM SCRATCH....no store bought, 2 day old cake for me! I blew out the candle, tried to contain myself..but I couldn't....I couldn't believe that she went through that much trouble for me! I totally don't think I am worthy to have such FU-Awesome friends in my life. I freaked out and had to go to our trailer...where I cried like a baby...Mrs. Buttah came in to see about me...and I was all "I can't believe ya'll did that!" and she was all...."We love you" and I was all.."Why?"...and she was all "Because you are the shit!" and I was all "I fu-hate you bitches!" and she was all "No You don't...you fu-love us!" She is totally right...I fu-love the shit out of my friends!

Once the kids were all tucked away in the campers....Patron, Limes, and Jello Shots came out....The ladies and I slammed Patron Shots...till they all tapped out one by one! The boys were a bunch of girls...they did all the Jello Shots! One of our friends oldest son was being a dick...and was a total buzz kill..and I was not going to let him come between me and Patron or as Rachel from Big Brother would say "He is not coming between me and my man!"....so I may have interjected...and he puffed up to me....but McHusband stopped him before he could say anything(SO HOT). That was really the only semi Redneck thing that happened that weekend...Oh shit...memory...Mr. X-Ray had moonshine and homemade hot tamales.....that was totally Redneck!

I thought for sure I would hurt the next morning..I cautiously opened my eyes one at a time and very carefully got out of bed.... I almost broke out in SONG...I felt fu-mazin!!! Can't wait to do it again! There is something to be said for the powers of GREEN TEA! Intoxicate and Hydrate....say it with my people...Intoxicate and Hydrate!

Patron, Tito, Lemons and Limes....oh my!

2010-08-12T07:37:00.002-05:00

It's my Birthday month...we gonna party like it's my Birthday! I went to Sam's this morning to get provisions for our camping trip to Cajun Palms in Breaux Bridge, La.
When I walked passed the liquor...I heard a voices saying "Pick me, Pick me!" I thought it was Tito talking to me because he is my BFF and always treats me right! I put him in my shopping cart...but I still heard "Pick me...I said Pick me!" Patron and I have recently rekindled our love affair on the field trip to the Coastal Bar at Pecan Island. So Patron, Tito and I are headed to Cajun Palms this weekend to party with our Friends....stay tuned for the Tales of the Drunk Side....if I don't have amnesia!!!!

P.S. Buttah and I made 100 jello shots for this party.....11 campers/24 adults...WHOOOHOOOO, hold on tight it's gonna be a Wicked Ride!

Bieber Fever...Suite Style

2010-08-12T07:37:00.001-05:00

I will admit first that I do have Baby by Justin Bieber on my IPOD....I will follow that by saying...I share an ITunes account with my girls-so stop judging me!!!

Oldest had a mad crush on Justin about a year ago and lucky for me it seems to be dissipating. My friend J and I brought the girls to the Houston Rodeo earlier this year and had to endure about 30,000 screaming girls...I thought...note to self-NEVER AGAIN!!!!

Fast forward to August 1st. My Aunt Precious is a VP at Cox Communications and she invited the girls, my Aunt VKB and her daughter(we will call her KittyGirl) to be her guests for The Justin Bieber concert at the CajunDome in Lafayette, La. Did I mention that it was in the Cox Communication Suite, Catered, VIP Parking Pass and we didn't have to wait in line, with the common people to get in.... "Let them eat Cake"....Ohh, sorry...I just went a little Marie Antoinette there!!! I have to tell you....Justin Bieber not half bad, while viewing in a suite. Oldest was not feeling well at all....and youngest was more excited that Aunt Precious brought her favorite Cuzan as the surprise guest. When we were leaving the Cajundome, Aunt Precious was pointing out to Youngest and KittyGirl the Cox Communication sign...and told them to say thank you Cox. Youngest said "Who is Cox?" and KittyGirl answered "Your Friend in the Digital Age".....everyone in the car started to laugh.....and if I have confused anyone....that is the line for their commercial....verbatim!

I expect to see KittyGirl featured on an upcoming Cox Communication commerical soon.

Frienemy

2010-08-02T06:56:00.000-05:00

Frienemy - A "toxic" person who poses as a friend but subconsciously or consciously wishes you harm.

As I approach my 40's the thought of having frienemies is sort of ridiculous....but there are a few still out there, lurking in the shadows....waiting for you to slip up, so they can pounce on you and eat your face off. I have managed to rid myself of most of these women but there are still a few that I can't seem to shake off....sort of like a sticky booger. So.....what to do?

Makes Me Happy

2010-07-31T09:34:00.000-05:00

I heart music and every now and then I find a song that I just can't get enough of...you know the kind of song that you can just put on repeat and play over and over again? I get my love for truly meaningful music from my Dad. When I was little I can remember listening to Cat Stevens, Van Morrison, Steve Nicks; over and over. He has always listened with his soul, not just to the beat of the music! I downloaded all of my/his music to his external hard drive and created him an ITUNEs account and gave him an IPOD. Saturday mornings is our time to talk...uninterrupted by the madness that is my life. He will call and usually the conversation will start with...."I was listening to music and I thought of you." My song for my Dad is Brown Eyed Girl or anything David Gray. Here's to my Dad....I love his Guts!

My mad crush is Matt White Band.....I can't stop listening to this one particular song. Music is not just background noise for me....I have to listen to music that makes my heart tighten up, gives me goose bumps, makes me cry, makes me smile. Right now I am all about happy tunes...

And then there is the Beautiful Ingrid Michaelson

And I've saved the best for last....my heart beats a little faster and my head bobs when I hear Corey Smith....Corey is my true music love. Oldest wrote a paper a few years ago about someone famous she would like to meet...she wrote it on Corey Smith. I emailed that paper to Corey and he gave us 4 tickets to a show at the House of Blues in Houston. Oldest, Youngest, my sister and I went backstage and met him.....He was everything I thought he would be. Humble, Shy, Sweet and Funny.

Life is good....when mixed with music!

Sha Sha's of Creole

2010-07-20T09:14:00.000-05:00

Spending time with my Family down at Pecan Island has rekindled my love for everything South Louisiana. I'm a Texas girl at heart, ya'll....but the one thing Louisiana and I share is a love for food and family.

Sha Sha's of Creole opened in Downtown Lake Charles...it is seriously the most AHHHDORABLE place. The waitstaff wear white rubber boots and most of the girls have decorated theirs...(we call those Cameron Reebok's). Sha Sha's has a simple, down home, tried and true menu....from hamburgers, fried catfish, fried pickles(my all time favorite), shrimp po-boys, seared tuna. The desserts!!!!! OHHHHHH MY GAWD, Ya'll! On Friday and Saturday evenings they have bands come and play some chanky chank music. Sha Sha's has this beautiful bar and this super long table that looks just like a fishing pier. The table's in the bar are from the old Sha Sha's in Creole that they salvaged after Hurricane Rita and brought to the new Sha Sha's.
Honestly Ya'll this is one of those places that warms your heart the second you step in the door. If you are ever in Lake Charles......you betta stop at Sha Sha's and eat some Fried Bread Pudding......it is HELLAGOOD.

***Sha Sha's of Creole located @ 609 Ryan St * Lake Charles, La.*494-7227***

And no....I was not paid for this! You JackAss!!!

Booth (comma to da top)s

2010-07-14T09:35:00.000-05:00

On one of my outings with my Cuzan's we stopped at Booth(comma to da top)s.....and if you haven't watched Cajun Onstar...you absolutely must watch...it is "FU-FUNNY"!

Do I have Vodka in my Teeth?

2010-07-14T08:44:00.001-05:00

I spent a weekend of drunken debauchery...I mean, spiritual bonding with my Aunts and Cuzans (cousins…..for all you Yankees) on a girls retreat to Teal Prairie Lodge in Pecan Island, Louisiana…yeah, you might want to Google that!

My Madre, Aunts, and Cuzans have been doing these for the past twelve years….This was my first. With the passing of my Grandmother in February, I am realizing just how short our time here is….my grandmother was one of seven and her sister is the last of the great ones. My great aunt is 89yrs old, she is still playing cards, laughing, and will still do a shot of Patron….she is a true BAD ASS . What I want to do is kick my own ass for missing out on all the memories from the past twelve years…..I only have my kids and husband to blame....I mean, myself to blame.

My Aunt and Uncle allowed us to use their Duck Lodge……it’s just beautiful and so serene. There were a total of 20 women or as Danielle from Real Housewives of New Jersey said last night when she got her weave pulled out…..there were 20 woman at the Lodge. These girls are “Fu-Funny”, kind, loving, beautiful, vivacious, sharing, gifted, drunk bitches! I’ve never laughed so hard in my life. One of my Cuzan has this little book that she writes all the funny one liners that are said….this was such a great idea…I am totally stealing it! Thanks, Cuzan!!

We went on a field trip in the Duc Bus to the Coastal Bar, a SINGLE WIDE TRAILER...I mean a very exclusive bar..... We laughed, drank, sang, and played pool….we truly stimulated the economy of Pecan Island…your welcome Mr. President!

Here are just a few things that were said….. when I think of them, I just start laughing!

“Money…it’s made round to roll and flat to stack”

“Don’t burn that dress….I want to wear it tomorrow”

“Fried eggs and Vodka…what’s not to love?”

“I put my clear lax in my Mimosa”

“Do I have Vodka on my teeth?”

“Well….you just bummed the shit out of me!”

“If you put your hands in the air…the ride is more fun”

“Fu-Funny” – for f*cking funny-so clever

And the best was

“The saddest part about the party….is the parting”

She's leaving on a Jet Plane......

2010-07-02T08:17:00.000-05:00

So...my Madre's Man(Mr. Blue Eyes) is a Private Pilot for a very wealthy family in Houston and they will be in New York for the 4th of July. My Madre called me last week to see if she could take Oldest to New York to meet Mr. Blue Eyes for the weekend. Our cousin just graduated from LSU and moved to The City a month ago(sharing a 2 bedroom apartment with 5 other girls) and Oldest has really been wanting to go see her.....so as I type, Oldest is sitting in the Airport right now on her way to NYC.
****I think calling Mr. Blue Eyes my Madre's boyfriend is just weird, because he is far from being a boy and they are so much for than friends...for whatever reason it just makes me feel icky calling him her Boyfriend....so from here on out he will be know as Madre's Mr. Blue Eyes**********

While Oldest will be LIVIN' LA VIDA LOCA! Youngest will be spending the 4th of July weekend getting showered with Love from her Aunt....all she wants to do is go to Build-A-Bear and get a Parrot....She wants a REAL parrot, but says she will settle for a stuffed one!

She Shines so bright...REDUX

2010-06-30T12:55:00.000-05:00

I guess when you have a blog and when people read it, it isn't always fun to see yourself in a less than flattering light. I don't make this stuff up people...I just report it. Here is one person's reaction.....

(Parent) (12:37 PM): You were wrong in putting me in your blog, you took what I said and turned it around to make me look bad. The sad part was I had to explain to (Parent's child) why you did that. Really (Snarky Corner) what have I done to you for you to this!!

(Snarky Corner) (12:48 PM): Really? Really (Parent)?....I wrote what happened....the way it happened in MY BLOG. If anyone knows it was YOU....it's because YOU told them....If (your child) knows, it is because YOU told him. This is my personal BLOG...and as it states on my header
(Snarky Corner) (12:48 PM): A southern snarky mother's perspective of things that happen in her world
(Snarky Corner) (12:50 PM): It is MY PERSPECTIVE..... I don't use ANYONES names. I protect the innocent and guilty alike.
(Snarky Corner) (12:52 PM): You haven't done anything to me.....it was my reaction to what you said....while you may not have meant it the way I heard it...that was my reaction at the time.

(Parent) (1:14 PM): Yes I did tell (Friend) and we have talked about this!!!And the reason (Parent's child) knows is because he got on my ipad and seen it casue I had it saved!! And yes this is your blog but you know and I know and everyone else knows I was making a compliment to you about your daughter. You just decided to make it sound the way you wanted it to sound in your ear. (Snarky Corner) you're still messy and always will be, I really feel sorry for you that you think you have to put people down in order for you to be happy. Your still in High School and a very mean person deep down inside. So much for the compliment!!! You just leave me alone and keep me out of your childish blog .

And the hits keep coming.....I decided I am not going to reply to her Instant Message...because honestly all I really want to know is....How much does she love her IPAD....does it make reading my Blog a breeze? Is she Instant Messaging me from it right now? Ohhhh, how I want an IPAD!!! My birthday is in August...I wonder if McHusband would get me one.....

And so it goes...Old issues drug out and dusted off. It's great that we can use quotes from Real Housewives of NYC, but Jill Zarin I am not.....a Fat version of Bethenny, maybe! I'm really not messy, even cleaned out that one last closet in the hall. What I am is happy! I have a great life, great family, and the greatest friends a girl could ever ask for! Mostly I am grateful for a sense of humor that allows me to laugh and make others laugh....mostly...sometimes it gives people a stabby feeling.

NOBODY PUTS BABY IN A CORNER!!!!!

Texas Vacation-the final chapter

2010-06-30T09:14:00.000-05:00

Oldest and the Rose started Opti camp Monday morning. Youngest and Lil K explored the grounds of the Yacht Club with my Flip camera....they created a new TV show and I am trying to keep it from PETA. It started with Youngest videoing one of the extremely OBESE squirrels sprawled out in a tree, youngest got a little to close for comfort and the squirrel got squirmy and came out of the tree...which caused Youngest and Lil K to run away screaming and laughing....they decided that their new show would consist of Youngest creeping up on the ducks, birds, lizards, fish of the Yacht Club and SCREAMING. You can understand my concern about PETA's reaction?

My mother has a FABULOUS condo in Seabrook, it's a place that heals the soul and puts you at peace while you are there. My mother has such a sense of style and impeccable taste, however it was severally damaged from Hurricane IKE and it took about a 1 1/2 years to get the entire Building repaired...and up until about 6 months ago my mother lived on her Boat. She decided to get rid of her boat about the time that the condo was ready...which then caused the equivalent of moving two households in to one at the same time. My mother was overwhelmed and just couldn't face the chore of trying to put Humpty Dumpty back together again. Tuesday, I spent the entire day unpacking boxes, organizing bathrooms, the kitchen, and putting everything in it's place. When my mother walked in the door that afternoon, her reaction was priceless.

The rest of the time was spent much like this....

McHusband came and met us for the last part of the trip. McHusband turned 40 on the 17th....I called his favorite place(Hooter's) to arrange a little surprise Birthday dinner with our Texas people on Saturday. When I called to make reservations the Manager asked if I would like to put a message on their marquee. Well hell yeah! Anything to embarrass McHusband. The message "Happy Birthday McHusband..40 is the new 20". Hooter girls are pretty...not such great spellers but pretty. This is what the sign read:

So is 40 the new 20? Or is 40 the NENZO? I googled NENZO..ya'll, it isn't the new 40....but it is varent of Lorenzo....so is 40 the new Lorenzo Lamas? Just Asking

And this is how our vacation ended......

Oldest's friend said it's a sign....we should have stayed in TEXAS!

My Texas Vacation....part 1

2010-06-25T08:42:00.000-05:00

This week I have been playing catch up at work....due to my Vacation last week. I have so much to say about Vacation with my Family.....so here we go.

Friday, June 11th. Youngest, Lil K(youngest's best friend), and I are headed to Texas to meet Oldest and The Rose(Oldest's best friend) after their week long Sailing Camp.

My vacation starts with a text from my sister that reads:
"Oldest hugged a boy...this is unacceptable!" my reply "Fucking stop it...stop it now!" Apparently in one short week Oldest has decided that not all boys are STUPID! One of these Sailor Boy's even tried to hold her hand on the Boardwalk! What the hell?

Saturday the girls and I drove up to my Dad and Stepmonster's house to do Father's Day with my Dad. Four girls and my Dad.....I thought for sure was a recipe for disaster! I was so wrong....he loved it, he loved them and they loved him. He even turned off Fox News...SHOCKER!!! The girls entertained us with storytelling, singing and acting...it was like our own personal Glee.

Sunday my Sister drove down and we gave my dad his Father's Day gift...a BOSE docking station for his IPOD, he was thrilled, surprised, and speechless! We went out to eat at Pappadeaux's then Stepmonster and I took the girls shopping....I even went to the Mall and didn't have a Panic Attack. WOOOHOOOO!!!! We headed back down to the Yacht Club that evening....Oldest and The Rose had Opti camp first thing Monday morning.

More to come soon!

Putting FATHERS on NOTICE!!!!

2010-06-25T08:26:00.000-05:00

When your 12yr old daughter comes in the door bouncing with joy to show you her new haircut, which is absolutely ahhhhdorable....you smile and tell her how pretty she is! You don't look at her like she just killed a baby fucking UNICORN!!!! Especially in front of Momma Bear!!!!

Holy Flash Flood!

2010-06-09T08:59:00.000-05:00

There was a Flash Flood in New Braunsfels.....my friends are stuck at Camp Huaco Springs Campground....they barely made it to safety in time.....one of our friends lost their RV......the Camp Ground is a complete loss....there are people missing!!! There was NO WARNING!!!! My friends could have died...thank GOD they were Marines and Navy officers...and knew what to do under pressure. They saved lives and managed to get to safety. McHusband and I were supposed to be on this trip but Oldest had Sailing Camp....I am worried sick about my friends and feeling completely helpless...cause I am here and they are there!!!!! Mother Nature is a BITCH!!!!!

Summer Toes

2010-06-07T14:14:00.000-05:00

At last SUMMER is officially here!!! Oldest and her bestie started Sailing Camp, sleep away Sailing Camp to be exact...and this is the FIRST for Oldest and Bestie to be in another State, at a camp, and without a family member. This weekend consisted of pedicures, shopping, and lots of swimming at the Yacht Club. I purchased a lil go phone for Oldest to have at Camp...just in case she needed us, she was totally annoyed with me and thought I was being ridiculous.....and she gave me the whole "Mother, I am going to be very busy, we have something scheduled every hour, so please don't get your feelings hurt if I don't call you....I will see you on Friday!" I was left completely speechless for a few minutes...then handed her the phone and said "This is a just in case phone....just in case you need something from Nana or Nicolocity(her aunt)!" I got a major eyerolling...but Bestie, she knew what I needed to hear and she said "We will try really hard to call you and let you know we are okay!" I love that kid!!! Was that so hard?

I feel so blessed that my children are able to experience this life, however it broke my heart to drive away from The Club. Oldest and Bestie will be just fine....me, I am not so sure about.

Youngest started Violin Camp today....and they get to bring the instruments home. YIKES!

We live in the South, yo!!!! You can't leave your DOG in the car while you go shopping at Target and Bed Bath and Beyond.

2010-06-01T12:02:00.000-05:00

The girls and I were running some errands after work on Friday and one of our stops was Bed Bath and Beyond. We heard a dog barking from a Volvo parked across from us...with one window cracked about an inch and inside was the cutest lil dog and he was in distress...barking, then putting his nose up to the crack to get some air. I called 911 to report it, of course I have Sprint and their service SUCKS MAJOR ASS..so my phone drops the call, not once but twice. My girls are freaking out, they are worried about the Puppy and also worried about the owner finding out that their mom called the PoPo on them. This is the problem with our society....NO ONE wants to get involved. As I stood there trying to get reconnected with the Police, four separate women walked by...and they asked "Are you calling the Police about that dog? That's just so sad" I asked "How long do you think he has been left alone?" One lady said "Well, since we got here, probably about 5 or 10 minutes." I just looked at them and said "Why didn't you call the police?" and she said "I didn't know what to do." I said "What if it were a child, would you know what to do then? Same thing...call 911!!!!"

I walked into Bed Bath and Beyond with the licence plate number written on my hand. I asked the Customer Service Rep. to please call the owner of the Grey Volvo Suv with the licence plate number to the front of the store. Up walks Young Volvo owner...that I saw at Target...now I am PISSED. I asked her if that was her dog....and she said "Yes, that is my dog, why?"....I then explained to her that it only takes a few minutes with temperatures as high as they are down here for your dog to have a stoke and die....she then said "You need to mind your own business, I have only been in here a few minutes and he is just fine!" I explained to her that I saw her in Target about 15 minutes ago, two ladies that were shopping in Bed Bath and Beyond said he was barking when they went in about 10 minutes ago, and leaving him in the car MADE it my business, I have called the police and if she doesn't bring him home...I will go get him out of the car and she won't like the way I get him out! I told her...I wouldn't leave my kids in the car...and they can get out of the car on their own, he can't!!!!" By this time we have an audience in the Bed Bath and Beyond, and Young Volvo Owner leaves crying......I hope her dog shits in her hair while she is sleeping!!!!!

Please visit this link for more information

http://www.mydogiscool.com/x_car_study.php

She Shines so Bright!!!!!

2010-05-27T13:25:00.000-05:00

Yesterday Oldest's school held their Awards Program...Oldest got this Award for having all A's for the YEAR in these subjects. Oldest missed Banner Roll for the entire year by one freaking B....she was very disappointed in herself....my little over achiever!

I got a call today from a parent and it started so sweet...."Oldest looked just absolutely beautiful yesterday." And I was all "Awww, thanks...that is so sweet of you to call!" and then she said "I had no idea she was that smart, I mean my jaw hit the floor when I heard how many of her subjects she got A's in all year."

And there it is......I had to pick my jaw up off the floor....I had a very stabby feeling when I got off the phone.

Texas size Asshat!

2010-05-25T09:38:00.000-05:00

This past weekend Cooney and I brought Oldest, Youngest, and their best friends to Clear Lake...Oldest and her best friend are doing Sailing Camp at LYC and they had to do their swim test and boat check in. I love going home to TEXAS, love spending time with my sister, mom, and all my friends. When I get ready to leave....I always get sad and pouty..sometimes I even throw little fits and I always cry when I go over the Baytown Bridge....

This past weekend some TEXAS size Asshat flew out of the Krogers parking lot and ran a red light...I had to slam on my brakes and get in the inside lane to avoid hitting him. When we passed him Cooney looked at him with her hands out...saying "What the hell..." Then the Douchebag got behind me and was riding my ass...this is on Hwy 146, it is hella busy on the weekends and the traffic was thick. The Douche Canoe then got in the center lane to turn and when I looked at him and said with my hands up..."Really?" He sped up and cut me off, jumped out of his truck and punched the window of my Suburban...barking and spitting like a rabid dog.

As luck would have it...there just so happened to be a TEXAS GAME WARDEN and a Seabrook Police Officer behind us(what are the odds, right!)...They witnessed all of this ROAD RAGE AND VIOLENT BEHAVIOR.....he directed Mr. Asshat back to his vehicle, got his statement....while the Police Officer talked to me......Youngest is in the backseat with her lil friend...and she is FREAKING out, I mean shaking, crying and nauseous..... The officer asked the standard questions and then asked us to move into the AutoZone parking lot, he was so sweet..he told Youngest that everything was going to be okay and he was there to protect her.

Mr. ASSHAT said that I flipped him off-which was a lie...I mean I totally flipped him off in my head and I did call him a DOUCHEBAG...but flip him off I did not. The Police Officer asked me what I wanted to see happen and I said I just wanted them to hold him long enough for me to get out of town, it was late and I needed to get the kids home....What I wanted to say was..."Could you tell The Douchebag that I would like it if he moved back to his homeland of Douchebagistan...that is what I would like to see happen!"

Now.....I have a theory about Mr. Asshat....my theory is:

Mrs. Asshat, who is busy with their daughter's swim team meet this weekend, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, getting ready for a busy week with the kids...asks Mr. Asshat if he could please run to the store and grab a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread for HIS children.....Mr. Asshat is busy watching a race, or is tired from fishing or golfing and really just wants to sit in his Lazy-Boy and relax...Mrs. Asshat has HAD it and she keeps nagging him until he finally does it. He storms off, grabs the keys to Mrs. Asshats White Ford Expedition EL and halls ASS to Krogers....where he slams the door and curses Mrs. Asshat the whole time he is inside the store...he is rude to the cashier...slams the door when he gets back in Mrs. Asshat's White Expedition EL and burns rubber out of the parking lot, runs the red light and comes face to face with this FATWICKEDBITCH....and it was more than he could handle and he looses his shit.....I just hope Mrs. Asshat is okay.

Pray for you! Jaron and the Long Road to Love

2010-05-13T14:13:00.000-05:00

My friend S has been telling me about this Artist and this song....I'm Wicked, ya'll...and had to share with you. I love, love, love this song...made me laugh....and I needed a good laugh this week. Enjoy!!!!

I FAIL!!!!

2010-05-10T13:27:00.000-05:00

***Disclaimer***** there will be lots of foul language in this post....read at your own risk

As a working mom....I fucking fail miserably and I fucking hate the month of May!!!! I will start by telling you that I LOVE my job, love what I do....but I fucking hate letting my kid down, I hate that my kid actually thought that I was not going to be there for her Field trip...when the note that we got clearly stated that the movie was starting at 10 AM but they started it almost 30 minutes early, and I get there to find Youngest sitting in the dark....crying because she thought I wasn't coming...I let her down!!!!! I fucking wanted to stab myself!!!

When I was a stay-at-home mom...I was ALWAYS there for my girls...they never had to worry if I was going to be there or not. I was at EVERY school party, volunteered to Chaperon EVERY Field Trip, picked them up from school EVERY day, volunteered to work EVERY School Fundraiser, Room Mother, Room Mother Coordinator, and taught CCD at Church. Now I have a JOB and I am that Mother that has to get friends to pick up the Girls from school, friends to go to class parties, friends to do all the things that I want to fucking do!!!! I hate that Youngest really thought that I just wasn't coming.....I know what that feeling is like.....that feeling that "Everyone Else's mom is here except for MINE!" and I am here to tell you that there is nothing worse than that feeling....and that Youngest felt it for just a second.... it fucking killed me.

I came back to the office crying my eyes out because I have all this guilt inside of me...the guilt that I am taking advantage of my Boss, of my friend....that I have had to take so much time off be it for a Hysterectomy, a sick kid(youngest's week long stay in the hospital last November), Orthodontist Appointments, Beta Convention, Teacher Appreciation, Doctor Appointments, Field Trips, etc....I feel like my JOB is less important than McHusbands, I feel like I have a JOB but I am also responsible for the girls and their birthday parties, tumbling, cheer practice, games, fundraisers, doctor's appointments, dentist appointments, orthodontist appointments....cleaning the house, doing ALL the laundry....and I am feeling stabby and bitter....

Being a working mother is so fucking hard....maybe it would suck less if my girls were a pain in the ass, if I didn't like them so freaking much...but I do, I really do like them and want to be with them ALL the time, I don't want to miss A THING.....

I hate asking for help, hate feeling like I am taking advantage of my friends, hate that I feel like I am failing as a parent....this feeling SUCKS MAJOR ASS!!!!

May is kicking April's Ass!

2010-05-07T21:20:00.000-05:00

I thought that I would never make it through April...with Birthday Palooza and all.....once again I am wondering if I will make it through May. When I open my calendar and see all that has to be done, I can't help but get a little twitchy and we are only one week in. It was Teacher Appreciation at Youngest's school this week, Tuesday both girls had an Orthodontist Appointment, Wednesday my Underwriter was in from Home Office, Thursday and Friday was spent in Lafayette for Beta Convention with 12,000 junior high students, Saturday was my lil cousin's Birthday party, followed by McHusband and Hot Cousin hosting a Crawfish Boil for their Mothers for Mother's Day, which meant...I had to speed clean the house and put on my Hostess pants, when all I really wanted to do was put on my comfy pants and get in my bed and wish the world away, but NOOOOOOO.

Next week is the Teacher Appreciation Luncheon for Oldest's school and I have found myself on this committee with a virtually non existent budget.....Thank God for Josh Roger's owner of OB's Bar and Grill...who has graciously agreed once again to supply a Fabulous meal for our Teachers. Monday is Youngest's Field Trip, Friday is Relay for Life, which I am a Team Captain with my friend G, then Saturday Youngest and I are off to H-Town for her first Doctor's appointment with a Pediatric Neurologist. The following weekend we will have to go back to Clear Lake for Oldest to take her test and rig out her boat for Sailing Camp....all the while trying to hold down a job, cleaning the house, doing ALL the laundry for 4, and cooking.

Today is Mother's Day and I got up at 7am with the Dog...let him out to go potty, fed him and started a load of laundry.....McHusband is sleeping in on this special day...I am feeling a bit stabby right now and as soon as he gets out of bed I am going to put myself in timeout...going to hold up in my room-that is if he ever gets out of bed..

Bitches with Brushes

2010-05-01T22:00:00.001-05:00

Some of the Staff at Oldest's school organized a Painting Party. I volunteer in the office once a week and they were sweet enough to include some of us moms...one of the ladies has a Very Talented Artist for a Son and agreed to be our instructor, the theme was Fleur De Lis (of course). "A" drew the Fleur De Lis' on the canvas and we painted. S's painting was exactly like her...it was OVER THE TOP FABULOUS, J's was ...DARK & WILD...just like her. Cooney's was much like her...CONSERVATIVE & RESERVED. I am not sure about mine, not really sure what it says about me...if in fact it says anything about me...but I will tell you this much..I enjoyed the process of painting it, the exploration of colors, the combination of colors, and the depth that each stroke added to it. I could easily become addicted to painting......

Friday night M & L, Cooney & Hot Cousin, Me & McHusband played Taboo and Things. I haven't laughed that hard in a very long time! Girls kicked the guys arses and that made it even better!

It's not very often that our house isn't full of giggling, screaming girls...but this weekend Oldest and Youngest were both out of town. It was nice to have some "adult" time. Oldest went to my sister's for a little one on one time and Youngest went with one of her BFF's to a Dance Competition...both in H'Town. I miss them both terribly and I can't wait for them to get home and hear all about their weekend in the BIG CITY of Houston.

Cleaning out Closets.....literally and figuratively

2010-04-28T08:47:00.000-05:00

After Birthday Palooza...I was really hoping for a nice gloomy, rainy weekend so I wouldn't feel guilty for watching movies and just couching ALL weekend. I actually prayed for rain and gray skies...but noooo GOD brought beautiful blue skies and breezy days...so my dream of a guilt free weekend of being a total slacker ended!Saturday Youngest and I set out to do some yard work. I started with trimming hedges and cutting dead ginger....I made it through the entire flower beds without incident until I got to the holly then I was stung by a bunch of bee's! Yard work was OVER after that!!!! Like my friend "J" says "I freaking HATE nature!!!!"

I spent my Sunday cleaning the house and doing laundry, because for some reason I am the only one in my house that knows how to get to the laundry room. I complain when no one helps me clean but to be totally honest...NO ONE can do it like I can...and I actually enjoy the process of cleaning and it gives me time to myself...because the amazing thing about my family is they all seem to disappear when I breakout the cleaning caddy....it's simply magical.

Monday morning when I went to wake up Oldest and Youngest for school, Youngest was running a fever, had an upset tummy, and was super snotty. I called my boss and told her one of my lil chics was not feeling good and I was keeping her home. I thought, finally I can just couch..be lazy, watch mindless TV for the day and just cuddle with Youngest....but noooooo! My house was all shiny and clean except for Oldest and Youngest's closets. They were starting to look like something off of TLC's Hoarders and were about to spill out into their rooms. I started in Youngest's room, with her on her bed...we went through her clothes first, sorting what we would pass down to her cousin's and what would go to Goodwill. Then we moved on to toys, stuffed animals, etc. I was amazed at what little emotional attachment's she had for STUFF...where I looked at everything with "Remember when...."

One down, one to go. I was on a roll and feeling a total sense of accomplishment. I moved on to Oldest's closet and I almost shut the doors and walked away....it was overwhelming. I took everything and I mean EVERYTHING out of her closet, I moved rods and shelves. When Oldest got home from school she and I went through all of her clothes and then her basket of stuffed animals and toys.....again I was amazed at how easy it was for her to let go of her stuff...we loaded everything in Bertha (my Suburban) and headed off to Goodwill.....and it got me to thinking......

I have this Metaphoric Closet that I have to clean out every now and then...I believe much like clothes and toys...sometimes there are people in our lives that just don't fit anymore...or like toys, just don't play with anymore. These people are still good(for someone else), still have a lot to give(to someone else)...I guess you could say I am all about "REDUCE - REUSE - RECYCLE"!

Does anyone else feel this way?

Birthday Palooza!

2010-04-18T10:48:00.000-05:00

Holy Birthday Palooza am I glad this weekend is over!!!! I am not really sure what I was thinking 12 and 9 years ago...when I gave McHusband a very small window of opportunity to impregnate me and amazingly enough he managed to do it within a few days of each other....which has turned out to be not so great....9 years later. Oldest and Youngest's birthdays are 5 days apart.....Which leads to BIRTHDAY PALOOZA..When the girls were little they didn't mind having their Birthday parties together, they quite enjoyed it actually.....now they have gone and grown up on me and don't want to share the spotlight anymore...How dare them!!!!!

Friday night Youngest had 10 of her closest girlfriends over for a slumber party....McHusband fled the scene with his extremely hot tattooed cousin-yes I know this sounds dirty...but he is HOT, so stop judging me!!!!! Yelle(Girls Nanny) and Cooney(Belongs to Hot Cousin) came to lend their support and to help me with the parties. The girls had a picnic in the backyard, played red rover, kickball, blew bubbles, and just had a blast. Once it got to dark to see outside, they came in put their jammies on....Youngest opened her presents, we did cake, they sang Justin Bieber songs and danced like a bunch of wild and crazy girls. One little girl had an Asthma attack and had to go home...it was scary and it prompted a confession and cleansing of the souls of the rest of the 9yr old girls that were left....they were terribly worried about their little friend and were troubled about anything they may have said or done to her in the past that may have hurt her feelings..... The next morning they ate donuts, played hide and seek, chalked on the driveway, drove the golf cart around, and blew more bubbles.....Then Youngest was off to a birthday party for one of her friends, where she painted a grey cat on Canvas...she wants to sell this painting to a friend of ours...because Friend has a grey cat named Grey and why wouldn't she want to buy it?

I cleaned up the house in preparation for Oldest's birthday party. I treated 8 of her closest friend to lunch at Que Pasa, then it was off to Prien Lake Park....the girls flew kites, played kickball, walked around the park and played at the playground. These were the sweetest girls EVER! There was no bickering, no sassyness, no eye rolling, no boy crazy annoying behavior, no DRAMA!!!!! Several of the girls spent the night with Oldest and they watched movies and just chilled.

It was a crazy busy weekend with lots of girls....EVERYWHERE!
A friend asked me Sunday.."How do you do it, Why do you do it? Don't they drive you crazy?" My answer to her quite simply is "How Could I not?" I believe that my children will cherish these memories FOREVER, they will relish the fact that our home, our lives will always be open to their friends and their friends families!!! I have met some of my best friends through my children....I love that my girls want to bring their friends home and that their friends feel comfortable enough to walk through the door...look in the pantry, open the fridge, kick their shoes off, flop on the couch, and make themselves at home.....

We the People.......

2010-04-16T11:38:00.000-05:00

Let me set the scene for you. Calcasieu Parish School Board purchased the old Sam's Club Building and completely remodeled it....and it is beautiful. The Assembly seats roughly 230/280. The meeting started at 4:45, by 4:30 there was not an empty seat in the house, there were people lining the outside walls, there were children sitting on parents laps, friends sharing seats, there were children sitting in the front on the floor, and there were people sitting in the isles. There were so many people there that they called the Fire Marshall!!!! I thought all the people he removed from the hall would leave...NOPE they stood outside and they listened quietly and waited for their turn to be heard. I have never been so proud of my community, never so proud of our Teachers and Administration! We were a UNITED front...we came armed with information about the Immersion Program...both French and Spanish. There were 27 speakers on the Topic of Cutting the Immersion Program, most of which were our Children....these Children are THE FUTURE LEADERS of our communities, country,and companies! They were well spoken in both French, Spanish and English. They spoke passionately about the Immersion Program and what it has done for them, and the role it will play in their futures. I believe what the School Board members saw....Was that these children and their parents were a FORCE to be reckoned with. At 8:08 PM, with ALL 12 School Board Members voting in favor of keeping the IMMERSION PROGRAM....We the People were heard and We the People made a difference.

Budget Cuts my ASS!

2010-04-13T18:17:00.000-05:00

I have the worst headache right now, my jaw is clenched tight and I can feel my blood pressure rising. I just got an email letting me know that Calcasieu Parish is proposing another round of Budget Cuts and that the FRENCH/SPANISH IMMERSION program will be one of them. Oldest and Youngest have both been in the program since kindergarten and have excelled in learning a second language....now our School Board wants to cut this program. A program that is proven to raise standardized test scores...not to mention that bilingual children are more willing and able to learn a third language, or perform better in math and logic skills than children with just one language, that learning a second language helps children build self-esteem, creativity, problem-solving skills, and math ability or that being taught in two languages gives children a head start in competition for universities and jobs.

Studies have also shown that those that are fluent in two languages rather than just one were sharper mentally. Thanks to technological advances in brain imaging, scientist have recently discovered that the processing of different languages occurs in much of the same brain tissue. However, when bilinguals are rapidly toggling back and forth between their two languages-that is, in "bilingual mode"-they show significantly more activity in the right hemisphere than monolingual speakers, particularly in the frontal area called the dorso-lateral prefrontal cortex(the source of the bilingual advantages in attention and control). This expanded neural activity is so prominent and predictable on brain scans it serves as a "neurological signature" for bilingualism. Finally, neuroscience research is showing promise for evaluating and treating bilingual patients who lose the ability to produce or understand speech after a brain injury. Research is showing that rehabilitation efforts that use BOTH languages, not just ONE-even a patients native language-HOLD THE GREATEST PROMISE FOR RECOVERY

Youngest has been seeing a Neurologist since May 2009, she was diagnosed with Chiari Malformation Type I and a Seizure Disorder. When Dr. Sconzert found out that Youngest was in the French Immersion program he was so excited and explained to Youngest that learning another language and being Bilingual strengthens the brain...that learning another language is like "Food for the brain and makes it very strong!!!" He told Youngest that if she ever feels like quiting the French Immersion program that she needs to remember that....Youngest had been sleeping in our room since she had her first seizure, when Dr. Sconzert told her how "Strong" her brain is...she started to sleep in her room again and hasn't looked back.

HELLO CALCASIEU PARISH SCHOOL BOARD....Have you done any research of the benefits of having two languages? Is it really worth a few dollars? I can think of a few other area's that you can cut...call me.

13 Years down.....many more to go!

2010-04-13T11:15:00.000-05:00

So, Yesterday was McHusband and my anniversary and we spent the afternoon shuffling kids to and from Tumbling, doing yard work, laundry, cooking, cleaning house and cars. There was no Romantic Dinner with just the two of us...no Anniversary Gifts....just the two of us doing what we always do EVERYDAY...and you know what? It was FANTASTIC, it is just how I like things to be....it was the same as any other day in our life....it was teamwork and isn't that what marriage is all about? I have a few friends that take these trips every year for their Anniversary(without their children)...and while I think that is great(for them)..they tend to be a little judgey when McHusband and I don't take trips away from our girls. Why is that?

McHusband and I both feel that we had these girls for us to raise and take care of....one day they will not want to spend time with us, they will hate family trips, only want to hangout with their friends....and when that time comes..then McHusband and I will take trips alone without the girls, we will enjoy our time together.....McHusband might go Hunting without us and I might have a night or two away with my girlfriends...but until our girls are older and have no room in their lives for us...we will not be taking trips without them, I am not going to waste my vacation time by spending it without my children. I joke all the time that I need to get away from my girls, that I need some time alone...but the truth is I don't want to be away from them for a second...Eyerolling, backtalking, whining, fighting, hanging on by a thread and all....

I talk about running away but where would I go? I love my crazy world and wouldn't trade it for anything!!!!

Hanging on by a thread

2010-04-09T08:37:00.000-05:00

Oldest is turning 12 tomorrow....she is becoming a woman right before my eyes. She is beautiful, charming, smart, vivacious and right now we can't hold a conversation without yelling at one another....and the looks....she no longer hangs on my every word, I am not her hero anymore, I am not the one that can make everything okay. I am now the enemy, I am the dream crusher, I am the happiness destroyer. We used to laugh....and talk so much Youngest could barley get a word in. Now we drive to school in complete silence.....I can't look at her without getting angry and she can't look at me because I have disappointed and confused her......How did this happen, why did this happen? I never wanted my kid to look at me the way I looked at my parents...why did I think I could escape that? I thought that she would always come to me when she was down...tell me when something was bothering her....if she was scared. Now I feel like she doesn't want to tell me anything...and if she did would I even hear her right now? My heart is heavy and all I can do is cry. I hope we make it through this part...right now I am feeling weary and beaten. For the first time in 12 years...I feel like I am failing Oldest and this feeling sucks.

Whatcha talkin bout Mr. Johnson?

2010-04-01T21:09:00.001-05:00

I am so afraid for our country...even my 8 year old knows that an Island can't "Tip over". I am not sure how the General held his shit together......my filter would not have worked...is Mr. Johnson for real? The Island is going to tip over? This is just laughable....Mr. Johnson needs to pack his shit and leave the country NOW!!!!!! Who elected this man?

Goose Bumpy Feeling......and smiles!!!

2010-03-31T17:28:00.000-05:00

A blog that I follow got me thinking about this song.....Lindsay raised a question about falling in love with a song....having an infatuation that is not your spouse...and I totally do that, you know fall in love with a song...I court it and I am devoted to it forever....my new crush is "Hey Soul Sister"....it makes me smiley and happy every time I hear it....

Jesse...you are a dirty boy!

2010-03-30T13:27:00.000-05:00

You used to be dirty hot...now you are just dirty!!!! You were that super hot bad boy.....now you are just bad!!!! Was it the pressure of being married to Sandy(who, we all know is just the most perfect woman..EVER!) that drove you to have sexy time with those Skanky dirty girls....I had to shower after just looking at them....aren't you worried about your boy parts? This last skank is the last straw!!!!! There is no telling what all she has placed in her lady parts and can we talk about her name?!?! Skittles? Really Jesse? Skittles? Shame, shame, shame on you.

Jesse...you need a spanking...and not in the sexy time spanking kind of way!

FAT WICKED BITCH

2010-03-19T12:53:00.000-05:00

When I first entertained the idea of starting a blog, I polled all of my(and there are many) incredible, smart, beautiful, funny, snarky, creative, loyal friends to give me some suggestions. When I finally created My Snarky Corner...it only seemed right because I am the definition of "Snark". However the other day some LOVELY registered me to a few porn websites....and my user name is "FAT WICKED BITCH".....how freaking clever is that?!?!?!?! I have to tell you, when I opened the first email from pichunter.com and saw my user name and password....I LAUGHED SO HARD AND SO LOUD, I am shocked that my work neighbor didn't come in to check on me....I then said out loud "Well played.....well played!" So now I am thinking that maybe I need to change the name of my Blog to FATWICKEDBITCH(even though the Lovely that signed me up for this porn site misspelled Bitch-bictch?)

I have copyrighted FATWICKEDBITCH...can't you just see it on a Vintage T(plus size of course), bumper stickers, coffee mugs, beach towels(scratch that, beach blanket...you know for the FAT GIRL.....bath products(but only in large VALUE sizes.. for the BIG GIRLS)......Power to all the FWB's in the world.

I raise my BIG BUBBA CUP up to Lovely...I wish her success in all she does.....I think she should write a How To Book...on seeking revenge against the people that have pissed you off....because registering people I don't like to Porn Sites has never even occurred to this FATWICKEDBITCH....

A picture is worth a THOUSAND words

2010-03-16T13:21:00.000-05:00

McHusband emailed this picture to me today.....and it's true A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words!!!

Crash Landing was the inspiration to My Snarky Corner....and you know what they say..."Karma is a BITCH!!!"

My Cup runneth over with PRIDE

2010-03-13T07:38:00.000-06:00

This picture is what my view of Cheerleader's have always been....when I think of Cheerleading, I think of Channelview Texas...crazy Cheerleader Mom and mean girls that think they are better than everyone else. I sure never thought that one of my girls would ever want to be a Cheerleader......fast forward.

This past week Oldest has practiced like nothing I have ever seen, about 20 or so other girls went to practice for hours everyday....they were dedicated, driven and supportive of one another. Oldest cried the entire way home Thursday night...because she didn't feel confident in "throwing" her backhand spring at tryouts.....she cried the entire time she took a bath, she went to bed with out eating dinner for the second time this week because of her nerves. Friday morning she woke up fragile....and she lost it...I mean lock yourself in the bathroom and cry from your toenails lost it. Once she got herself together..she said she was going to do her best but if she didn't make it..she was going to be fine...she was just so worried that if she didn't make it that EVERYONE, especially her Tumble coach would be disappointed in her! As if!!!!

Friday night the results were posted on the school website. Oldest checked the site, she came in the living room and she told me that her best friend didn't make the Squad, that she was really worried about her...cause "S" really wanted this(as if she didn't). I asked her if SHE made the squad.....she said "No, I didn't make it....yes I am disappointed but I will be fine..maybe next year." She proceeds to tell me who all made the squad and that she called them to congratulate them. Everyday this kid amazes me....to be able to pick up the phone and call these girls and congratulate them...what grace this kid has! I know I would have been BITTER as hell and I surely wouldn't have been able to go to go spend the night with two of the girls that made the Squad and go to Tumble on Sunday with these girls......My cup runneth over with pride and admiration for Oldest.

WHAT A HANDSOME BOY!!!! OH EDISON YOU MAKE MY HEART BEAT!!!

2010-03-10T13:38:00.000-06:00

I have puppy fever again....and in a bad way. What is wrong with me???? When I had both dogs...I bitched nonstop about the grooming, the bathing...the never being able to get out of my chair for fear of loosing it to one of the dogs...Claude eating all the donuts that I just went and got the girls(not leaving them one), Claude eating 28 foil wrapped solid chocolate Easter Bunnies the day before the Easter party at school!!!!! Claude grabbing the WHOLE BAKED CHICKEN off of the counter at McHusbands grandparents house...and McHusband putting it back..telling me, as he pointed..not to eat that side!!!! Why in Giant Poodles do I want another dog? Why does my heart ache when I think about that big white bastard? Why do I long for another dog after swearing to GOD and EVERYONE....that never...not ever would I have 2 dogs again!!!!!

Cell Phones!!!!

2010-03-08T11:50:00.000-06:00

Oldest must be the only 11yr old in the 70605 zip code that does not have a cell phone.....the other day I see a girl that she goes to school with..... an IPHONE...Seriously...an IPHONE. I have made it pretty clear how I feel about FACEBOOK...so this is how I feel about kids and cell phones. I think we are putting so much added pressure on our children....they have to keep up with a lunch bag, jacket, backpack, library books, school books, homework...so on and so on. Now we'll pile on the added pressure of keeping up with a $300 cell phone(not to mention the monthly service fee)...really? I am all about teaching my girls to be responsible....but that kind of responsibility is just a bit much.... Not to mention the texting the kids are doing....conversations can get lost in translation in texting....you can't hear a persons tone in a text...so they may be being a total smart ass but you think they are being mean...so then it spirals into this mean nasty text conversation for all to see...because now you can send it to whom ever you want to. It's no longer just a "He said, she said"....it's "Look what he said...she said"....(Yes, I totally speak from experience). Oldest has had a few bad experiences with the texting......she used to ask me for a cell phone every 3 1/2 minutes...but the word NO is really an awesomely powerful word and if said often enough....they do eventually hear it and stop asking. I have told Oldest...The day she gets a cell phone, will be the day I hand her keys to a car. Now when another one of her friend gets a phone she doesn't even care ......I have too many friends with children older than mine that have told me horror stories of texts that they have read, or the pictures that the kids are sending back and forth to one another and it HORRIFIES me...and I am not talking about the "sexting"...that is a whole other post.....

It seems as though I am the only one that feels this way....am I all alone? Should I cave to the pressures of Cell Phone Hell? I have heard every reason under the sun given to me...but I just can't justify it.

VIRGO

2010-03-05T12:33:00.000-06:00

Horoscope for today:

You have more to offer than you realize and, if you partner with someone(McHusband) who has as much to contribute as you, there is no limit to what you can achieve. Take control of any conversation about future plans and you will end up in a power position.

That's right...hear me roar!

A Cheerleader??

2010-03-03T05:58:00.001-06:00

My parents divorced when I was very young and my Mother worked very hard to support me and my sister. We moved a lot....so I didn't get involved in a lot of school activities because I was not going to be there long enough to participate....also I was always different than most of the girls I went to school with but I never had a difficult time making friends...I was friends with everyone, the Cheerleaders, the Rockers, the Nerds, the Jocks, The Dramas but I was different...but I was NEVER going to be a Cheerleader.....and in High School I was very Anti Establishment..you know a Rebel without a Cause!

McHusband and I have made it through some really difficult times in our 13yrs of marriage, but we are a great team. McHusband lived in the same house his entire childhood....where I lived in so many different parts of Houston....I'm not really sure where I am "from". McHusband, Oldest,Youngest and I have lived in the same house for 11yrs.....while that may not seem like something to you, it is HUGE for me. This is the longest time that I have ever lived anywhere. I went to five different Elementary Schools, three different Junior Highs and three different High Schools. I know that my parents did the best they could at raising my sister and I.....we never wanted for anything and we always lived in the nicest houses and went to the best schools....however because we moved so much I thought of people as disposable, never really getting to close to anyone....I didn't begin to cherish people until I married McHusband...and I didn't want to have children, I didn't think I would be a good enough mother....because quite honestly I never thought I was "Good" enough-period....Thankfully God blessed us with Oldest and Youngest....McHusband has grounded me and shown me that it's okay to plant myself..to grow roots and to really enjoy the FABULOUS people in our lives.

Oldest is in 6th Grade this year at a VERY overcrowded school....an awesome school with wonderful teachers.....but an overcrowded school. I wondered if she would find her voice or get lost in the shuffle...immediately she found her place, she tried out for a Recreational Cheer team and made it......my daughter is a Cheerleader? Really?

Now...it is time for the School tryouts for next year.....and I am still saying....My daughter a Cheerleader?? Really? My point is....I wonder, if I would have gone to the same Elementary for 6yrs and lived in the same house my whole life...would I have been a different person? Ya see...everyone says Oldest is me all over......I wonder if circumstances were different would I have been more like her...because I think she is AH-MAZING!!!(even when she is giving me all that attitude and I want to rip her head off)

FACEBOOK....is the new Drug

2010-03-01T16:09:00.000-06:00

One of my best friends sent this to me a week or so ago. "M" and I are both fighting the FACEBOOK craze. I feel much like "M" does that if you are in my past you are there for a reason....because I put you there and I really could careless what you have been up to for the past 20 years..I don't care that your first marriage has failed, I don't care that you have FOUR babies from FOUR different DADDY's, I don't care that the Quarterback of the football team is now a Cross Dressing Drag Queen. I also believe that if we are such great friends you totally know what I've been up to and are completely aware of what's been going on in my world that I don't need to FACEBOOK. Up until this morning I haven't thought of sharing this .....until I got about 7 FACEBOOK requests this morning(totally flattered) but seriously...FACEBOOK is the new Drug.....and the peer pressure to be cool...everyone is doing it...like I didn't hear that when I was growing up...if I did everything my friends said was cool and totally fun and everyone was doing it....I would be on Intervention or Dr. Drew for sure...much like a drug if put in the wrong hands it can be destructive, bad and you just might never recover from it....I grew up in the 80's. We didn't have FACEBOOK, CellPhones, Computers to use for evil or good.....we used pen and pencil....3 way calling....it took awhile to spread a "virus" of ill thoughts and it rarely could follow you to a Job Interview. Now, it's a push of a send button...and poof you could potentially ruin someone FOREVER.

In theory FACEBOOK and other Social Networks are an awesome way to communicate...but in actuality they seem to do more damage than good....take for instant this common fight between a brother and a sister....in yester year this would have been a sister ratted on her brother for drinking and the brother would have waited....plotted his revenge and ratted her out to their parents....paybacks a mother right? Not now....now he has gone and posted her dirty little secret for everyone to read...and forward all across the world, now everyone knows that Brother is a drunk and hides beer in his room and Sister is a dirty little whore......point being...now it's in my little world. I emailed this FACEBOOK GONE WRONG to many of my friends...wanting to see what kind of response I got.....90% thought it was super funny, hillarious, LMAO funny. Yes, it is a little funny...however not so funny if it's you or your kids.

It seems to me that people have become so dependent on FACEBOOK and TEXTING that we cannot communicate without the use of TECHNOLOGY...I find myself falling into the TEXTING craze.....is texting like pot?????? Is it the gateway drug to FACEBOOK????? YIKES!!!!!!!

My brilliant friend "J's" thoughts on Hollywood and other news stories

2010-02-26T08:59:00.000-06:00

My friend "J" is one of the most clever, witty, snarky, beautiful women I have ever met....this morning while drinking my coffee....before I woke up Oldest and Youngest for school...she emailed the following. I wanted to share with you.

Here are some things I read about this morning. These SHOULD be headline news, but since it's not "sensational" you probably won't hear much about it. The autopsies are back on Brittney Murphy and Casey Johnson. Turns out they're not little junkies like Dr. Drew was so quick to assume. I don't trust him. His patients never REALLY recover. Britt died because she had anemia from female problems and excessive bleeding. She had a dr. appt. scheduled but DIED first! She also had pnuemonia and the only meds in her system were those prescribed by her dr. for THAT condition. Michael Jackson has given all dead celebrities a bad name! Also, Casey Johnson died from diabetes, which she has suffered from since childhood. Tila Tequila had nothing to do with it Nikki Hilton! So quit blaming! Casey had NO, i repeat NO drugs in her system. Ha!

In other news, two shootings in Jennings. The teen had been robbing houses in Lafayette. The OTHER guy however, hmmmm, thinking he may be related to Jeff Davis killings. Maybe he knew something. Found shot dead in his car. I'll ask Deana.

Also, Boner comitted suicide. Depression sucks. Mike was lucky to have you for a friend!

Lastly, have you noticed all the crimes comitted by OLD people? 60's, 70's? I thought since I'm a grown-up now, all that morally questionable stuff was behind me. WHAT IF i just haven't peaked yet? Did these people just get bored by regular life and say "what the hell?, Why not?" What will happen when our families are grown and we are once again left to our own devices? Will we backslide? All i can say is that we better have grandkids to keep us busy! And a passport.

Snotty Mess

2010-02-24T13:43:00.000-06:00

As if loosing my Grandmother wasn't enough....we get hit with the stomach bug, sinus infections and a nasty head cold that I am quite sure will turn into Strep/Ear Infection....My house sounds much like Darth Vader has moved in....between Youngest, Oldest and myself. We, alone have saved Kleenex from going out of business. Oldest has been snotty since before Christmas and has been on antibiotics twice..sinus infection.....still snotty. Youngest went to the Doctor week before last because she was running a lil fever and a hot snotty mess......UGGHHHH and on top of all the snot....youngest threw her lil guts up Thursday night and never moved from her chair Friday...except to attempt to throw her guts up some more....it was very sad. I started feeling bad Sunday night....and now I have a full blown Head O Snot!

So McHusband brings the girls to the Doctor yesterday and Oldest has....wait for it.....another sinus infection. McHusband asked Dr. Cocky if he could refer the girls to an ENT because this snot and constant congestion and nose bleeing has been going on forever...and we have done the Clariton/Zrtec thing and nothing seems to clear it up....Dr. Cocky then precedes to tell McHusband that it is the crud(Medical term?) and everyone has it.....but seriously I have a head cold and the "crud" but my girls have sounded like DARTH VADER for THREE months.......I am so aggrevated with Dr. Cocky......with Youngest's issues that we had with the Bacterial Infection in her blood...... that he totally missed and who knows how long that would have gone on if I weren't such a "Shit Ass" and McCousin's wife wasn't telling me what Dr. Cocky should be doing!!! Dr. Cocky has no idea that I am about to break up with him.....or at least cheat on him...like he did to his first wife. See how he likes the taste of that medicine.

The ache

2010-02-21T08:54:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow it will be seven days....seven days since my Grandma died. I didn't think that I wouldn't be able to breathe, cry uncontrollably, have this achy feeling that won't go away. I never thought this day would come....I thought that she would live forever, I took her for granted and now I sit here wondering what we are going to do without her. Will our family stay close, will we still come together for Thanksgiving, for Christmas? Will those that live out of town ever come back now that she is gone? My grandparents were the glue that held all of us together...now they are gone....what will happen to us now? Since Monday my whole family was here, spread out between Aunt Connie and my house....my house was a wreck....and it took me two days to clean and do laundry....but I wouldn't have traded it for the world and as I sit here in total silence, I worry that was the last time.

Fat Tuesday my family gathered at Que Pasa for lunch...and margarita's.....I wrote and shared the following:

All of my life Edith Broussard was the one person I could always count on not changing.....as the years went by and we all grew up, we all changed but Edith remained the same. 3530 Lisa Lane is the house that she made a safe refuge for anyone that needed it, a place to kick your shoes off, a place where when you walked into the garage you could smell the most amazing smells coming from the kitchen, a place where the back door was always unlocked. Edith was the life of the party......her life was full of the most amazing friends. Edith threw the kind of parties that you would never forget...you know the kind of parties that started with awesome food, drinks and ended with a Bouree game....I can remember several parties with her sitting on the kitchen floor with her sisters and friends because she wasn't going to leave that kitchen....she was as I like to say the "Hostess with the mostess".

The way I have described Edtih and Kirby is....That they were the one Constant thing in all of our lives....no matter what we were going through in our lives, We could drive down Lisa Lane and everything was just as we left it. Edith would welcome anyone into that house and by the time you left you thought you were part of the family.....she may not have taken in stray animals but she did take in stray people. I am not sure how she did it...but she could simply cook your troubles away....Edith may not have been that warm and fuzzy Grandma but she loved with her whole self and never pretended to be perfect.....She had no filter and would say anything....even if it might hurt your feelings.....but in the end you knew that she loved you. I have to say when I was little I never really said that I wanted to be just like my Grandma but as it turns out she is exactly who I want to be when I grow up.

I thank her for the Family that she has given me....and I promise to always cherish them with my whole heart.

Constant

2010-02-16T08:53:00.000-06:00

My fondest memories of PawPaw and Grandma has to be the memory of them always being constant, never changing. PawPaw could always rock my problems away as a child and Grandma could always cook them away. I looked so forward to our trips as a child to Lake Charles and I remember crying until I fell asleep on my way back to Houston. 3530 Lisa Lane was my safe place, a place where I knew I was loved and I knew it would always be just as I left it. Grandma and PawPaw were always my constant, no matter what, they were just the way I left them. Welcoming all of us with open arms and big sugars. As an adult, when Lance and I were looking for a new house I wanted a house that was like Grandma and PawPaw's. I wanted to be close to Grandma and PawPaw because Grandma was teaching me how to cook, be a good mother and wife. I wanted a house that everyone felt like they could walk though the back door without knocking, I wanted a house where everyone felt like they could just stop by without calling and a place where everyone felt at home. I found that in my house. I strive to make my home mean to others what 3530 Lisa Lane meant to me. I know it is just an address, just a house. It is just the people in the house that count, but that house, those people made the childhood memories that I hope I can pass to my children, a safe refuge, a magical place they can call home. I thank you Grandma and PawPaw for always having an open door for anyone that needed it, for all of us that needed a place to lay our heads or a shoulder to cry on or a fabulous meal to eat or just a place to kick your shoes off and sit.

Grandma....while you have finally made it home and are at Peace with PawPaw....know that I valued each and every moment we shared...even when you were calling me a Shit Ass.

2010 or 1910

2010-02-10T13:22:00.000-06:00

So you know how I brought Youngest to do bloodwork Monday morning? Well, the freaking bloodwork is still not back from the Lab.....my question is... did they bring it by horse and buggy? I mean seriously CSI can solve a crime in an hour episode....and I can't get freaking bloodwork back in the same week????? I am so aggrevated with this shithole town I live in. These doctors here wonder why everyone leaves and goes to Houston to seek treatment....WAKE up!!! It's because you could die waiting for treatment or answers in this shithole town!!!!!!! I really thought that 2010 was going to be a Doctor free year for Youngest...last year liked to have sucked everything out of us...now this and it's only February. I have called Texas Children's Blue Bird Clinic of Pediatric Neurlogy and they are requesting Youngest information from Dr. S and as soon as they get all of her records they will call and set up an appointment to have Youngest assessed. After the experience at Women and Children with Dr. Allen Wilson aka Dr. Asshole....which turned out to be a week long hospital stay at Memorial Hospital for a bacterial infection in her blood because no one wanted to be proactive with care in this town. Well I am moving west with Youngest's treatment.....Everything is Bigger and Better in TEXAS.

Little Piggy

2010-02-08T18:12:00.000-06:00

Update on Youngest's little piggy, it isn't broken(YAY!!!!) it's just sprained. Haven't heard from the Neurologist on the bloodwork....a few of them they had to send off to an outside lab...so just waiting to hear, which is sooooo hard to do. I am super stressed out and hate feeling so out of control(and those of you that know me, and know me well......you know how much I enjoy not being in control).

This morning when I called my boss/my friend and told her what had happened with Youngest.....she stopped by the house to check on her...how awesome is that? Youngest really loves my boss/friend.....she told Boss "I'm Broken"......then Boss made fun of her and gave her a new nickname....which if you know Youngest....you know she has many, many nicknames.....This made Youngest feel much better....Youngest then told everyone else she saw today that Oldest broke her finger. Which leads to........

I picked Oldest and her friend up from school today....Friend is super sweet and I like her an awful lot...however Friend is quite the SMART A** and as I have posted today....Oldest doesn't really need any help in this area....I have warned Oldest that I am not having it anymore.....I really think that she doesn't believe me. Oldest has a pretty big project due tomorrow. My Uncle has this awesome shop and he offered to let Oldest use his tools because McHusband has been working 7 days a week 12 hours a day.....and lets be honest...Mama don't build....I can clean it and I can paint it....but I can't build it. Oldest built it all by herself, we drove around town and took pictures of examples of the project...in all the craziness of Youngest today I took the time to have the pictures developed so she could show the examples.......she wanted me to write the labels for the pictures......ummm Oldest-who is getting graded for this project? Me or You?

Basically what this boils down to is that I am not cut out to be a single mother or a mother of a shift working husband!!!!!! I know my limits.....I need back up!!!!!!

Broken little piggy

2010-02-08T12:49:00.000-06:00

Don't know if you heard or not but.......THE SAINTS WON THE SUPER BOWL!!!!!!!!

We had a few friends over for the Saints Super Bowl and the kids were outside playing kickball....and Oldest threw the ball to Youngest and she went to catch it and the ball hit her pinkie just right and bent it all the way back....pretty sure it is broken......Mchusband taped her up last night...this morning we took the tape off......

Youngest was diagnoised with Chiari Malformation Type I and a Seizure Disorder in May 2009....the seizures have been controlled by Keppra and she has not had any episodes until this morning......we were standing in my bedroom talking and all of the sudden she started to go down....this time I caught her so she didn't slam her head into my dresser.....she was out for maybe 15 seconds but it felt like 15 hours......when she started to come to she had a small seizure and then completely broke down.....she felt so out of control and helpless.....it broke my heart.

Went to the lab to have blood work done and then off to Urgent Care for an X-Ray of her hand(pinkie)finger......Youngest just can't seem to catch a break......well she caught it...just don't know if she wants it.

Is She Allergic to me?

2010-02-05T13:15:00.000-06:00

I would like to start this post by saying....I LOVE LOVE LOVE my girls!!! My husband and girls are my proudest accomplishment-hands down. My oldest daughter is a gorgeous, smart, funny, friendly, loving...etc.girl....However.....she is such a SMART A**!!!!! I know what you are thinking...."The apple doesn't fall far from the tree!" Oldest is so much like me that it completely freaks me out......when she was in first grade I was up at the school being Super Room Mom and her teacher's just went on and on and on about how sweet, polite and smart she was.....I was sooooo proud of her. On our way home I was telling Oldest how proud I was of her and as we got out of the car and walking in the house I asked her "Why she didn't act like that at home." Oldest then says "Maybe I am allergic to you!".........which leads me to today. Nothing has changed. Oldest is a banner role student....office helper(discipline office????), Beta Club member, etc. Oldest is the girl that will call you out if you are rude and is not afraid to stand up to the scariest "Out of Zone" girl in PE if she is being mean to another student........yet at home if I ask her to do something for me I get eye rolls, deep breaths, stompy feet and constant back talk........I am really starting to think that she is allergic to me in deed......

Allergic or not....I wouldn't trade her smart a** for anything in the world.....because I know she will NOT be a follower, she will always stand up for herself and for the little people......no matter who she will piss off....That makes up for all her back talking stomping down the hall slamming her bedroom door not cleaning her closet self!!!!!!

Walgreens

2010-02-02T09:23:00.000-06:00

I started this blog with the intention that I would be my normal snarky self.....and it seems that I am going to dissapoint once again.....

Yesterday I had to bring my youngest lil chick to the Doctor because she is some kinda snotty and I was quite sure it was a sinus infection...which it was indeed. We headed to the local Walgreens to drop off that prescription....the Pharmacy tech was super sweet and told me to give her just a few minutes and she would have it ready....then Nicole the Pharmacy manager calls me over and asks if I have a new Prescription card and I told her no. It seems that our Benefits Coordinator has screwed up yet again(long story).....anyway, my youngest takes a medication that controls a certain condition and she can't be with out that....secondly she has a sinus infection and needs the antibiotic....I was about to loose my shit!!!! Nicole then says "Take these, and when you get it worked out...just come back and pay for them." I then say "Whatcha talkin bout Willis?" Lately I have felt that customer service is a thing of the past....then I meet Nicole. Walgreens, I heart you!!!!!

It's Friday....and I am thinking about my friends.....

2010-01-29T15:58:00.000-06:00

So, last Friday at this time I was preparing food and cleaning house......My sister is a Scentsy Consultant and she asked me to host a party. I sent out about 65 invitations, not really knowing what do expect. I had about 20 or so RSVP's and the way my Grandmother taught me was to over compensate where food is concerned. I love to entertain, I love to feed people and I love to make people feel at home.....

At 6 O'clock my friends started to arrive, by 7 O'clock.....I had a very full house. I ended up with about 30 of my friends and 23 of their children running and giggling through the house. It was a great party....with great food, drinks and conversation. Do you ever have those out of body experiences? I don't know if I am saying that quite right.....but I looked around my house at all of these people(mostly women...because the guys were hiding in the man room) and all I could do was Thank God, thank him for blessing me with the most amazing friends a girls could ever ask for. When I was younger I had no appreciation for "Girlfriends". I thought girls were stupid, full of drama and backstabbing demons. I thought I had it all in my 20's.......(looking back at pictures I was beautiful-I had no idea that I was beautiful, but I was)....Here I am in my 30's-knocking on 40's door and I am overweight, gray, tired and wouldn't trade it for anything. Women are like wine they get better with age.....(Although there are a few exceptions to this....Some turn to vinegar and are sour...those we throw away). I truly love my friends and as I sit here today I am wishing I was having them all over tonight to do it again!!!!

Oh and if you were wondering.....the party was a complete success. My sister did over $1000.00 in sales. What that means for me? I got over $150.00 in free products and 9 1/2 off items. I loooove my house to smell good....so this is fantastic for me...also I was able to get some birthday shopping done. Visit my sister's website if you would like to host a party or just order some smell goods. https://nrcourtney.scentsy.us/home Wooohoooo!!!!! I can't wait for everything to come in.

Fight the urge...let them merge!!!

2010-01-29T08:39:00.000-06:00

My question today is......we as parents teach our little ones to share, be polite, use good maners, be courtious to others....right? So why is it that while we are bringing our precious children to school we are not courtious, don't want to share or be polite? What I am talking about is the mom that is on her cell phone waiting in traffic, blocking an intersection, ignoring her children, refusing to make eye contact with the person trying to turn in front of her.....Hey mom...get off your cell phone, pay attention to your children and use a little common courtesy......it is no fun waiting in traffic during carpool...but really, do you think if you let ONE car go in front of you the world is going to end? Do you not let that car in because "You were there first?" Think about what you are teaching your children....so when little Suzy is at home tonight and she doesn't want to let Sam take a bath before her...and you are exhausted from working all day and you just want your children to get along and be courtious....Remember this morning in carpool.....Fight the urge to be a total DOUCHE BAG and let them merge!!!!

Part Brag....Part Warning

2010-01-28T19:31:00.000-06:00

So..McHusband is McAwesome! He is the most hands on dad...he is the one that does homework with the girls and takes them to the mall and tucks them in every night that he is home. He has been working 7 days a week, 12 hours a day....he finally gets a night off and he takes his girls on a date...we go eat a fabulous meal at A'Mazin's and my oldest daughter(who wants to be a chef)would like to have Creme Brule for dessert so McHusband offers to take them to L'Auberge to have dessert....my younget then preceeds to say "This is the best night ever....none of my friends ever get to go to L'Auberge on a school night!" After dessert we let the girls play in the Arcade...and I swear you would have thought that we brought them to DisneyWorld.

McHusband and I have our own way of communicating....I might tell him that I hate him.....but really what I am saying is I love your guts and can't live without you. When he calls me an ahole...he is really saying... You are my best friend and I love you! It is very twisted but it works and I can't imagine sharing my crazy world with anyone but him.

I know what you are thinking.....okay where is the Snark in that?????

Wait for it, wait for it.....and now

Not only is he the best dad and husband ever....he is also a super talented guy, that is always willing to help his friends(and mine)....and is usually every one's first call when they need help or advise....while this is really nice...it can really get on my nerves!!!! I love that McHusband is so talented and sought after......however when I start feeling like he is being taken for granted or is unappreciated, well I am not having that. Keep that in mind, okay. You have been warned.

It's a small world after all!

2010-01-27T14:12:00.000-06:00

What has prompted me to start "My Snarky Corner"

Do you ever wonder how the world can be so big...yet seem so small? Take for instance. I follow several blogs and yesterday I go to one of them....it's one of those awesome mom blogs..you know the ones that have the cute pictures of their kids and their lives....the ones that make you feel completely inadequate...yeah that one! "Awesome Mom" is doing a complete remodel(down to the studs)on the home of my childhood memories. I was all ready to see the pictures of all her and "Awesome Dad's" hard work...when instead I was hit right smack in the face with this!

Crash Landing
I have had the "opportunity" to deal with some very poor business practices lately. I am no business genius, but I find myself giving business advice to total strangers/business owners. Unfortunately, I have been the victim consumer in the situations.

I bought gift cards for my family to The Landing restaurant for Christmas just 4 weeks ago. When my parents went to redeem theirs on their special night out, they were denied and told there was a new manager and that they were not honoring them. Then they were told to call the number on the card to see if "there was even a balance on there." Confused my parents left and went elsewhere to eat. You can imagine how upset I was so I marched myself down there at 8 o'clock PM in my painting attire (thank you very much) and demanded an explanation. The harried manager/owner, Rachelle, came over to me and proceeded to dump on me her business woes and how she was cleaning up the prior owner's mess. For 20 minutes. No joke. She kept telling me that she did not actually buy the business The Landing and that there were "no assets" to be transferred so they could not lose more money on patrons' gift cards. She said she was just renting the building...

HUH?!

I was so angry and shocked. I had given these to my family for Christmas!! They had not used them!!

Then this woman had the nerve to get in my face and tell me to stop rolling my eyes at her and that I was being "hostile." Crazy. I still had no clear explanation or apology or a way to get my money back (it is a significant amount).

Another manager came out and had some class and clarity. He explained to me that the previous owner of The Landing, Josh Rogers, had walked out. Done. Finito. And this woman Rachelle and her husband agreed to open a completely new restaurant in its place to keep the employees employed. The owner of the property wants it to remain The Landing in some way to remain a landmark, so that's why the name is the same. Interestingly though, the new owner Rachelle is on facebook for the restaurant acting like it was just closed for repairs and to get a new menu and that The Landing is now open...lies.

Well, ok then. I get it. Still stinks but ok. I then told the woman that she should not treat future customers like this if she wants her business to succeed. I mean, I know way too much about her business and how the past owner left her with a $2000 trash bill...not for me to know. Anyway, I am sure she was tired and stressed about how her restaurant was about to fail just one week in.

Apparently the former owner is to blame but SOMEBODY owes me DINNER or MY MONEY!!! sheesh. Hey Josh Rogers.. when are you cooking me dinner?!

Now....as soon as I picked my jaw up off of my desk...I called "Awesome Mom" and we talked about what happened and I explained to her that I know Josh and this is NOT Josh...I asked her if it would be okay if I sent the above Post to Josh and she said sure....I called Josh and told him what I tripped over and would it be okay if I sent him the post.....Josh is an upstanding guy...one of the good ole boys...and of course I knew he would not want his name tarnished in this way. I gave "Awesome Mom" Josh's phone number and email and this is the update.....

Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Crash Landing...the updated saga
So I have a family member who knows the previous owner of The Landing and she spoke with him about this today. He DID in fact sell the business to these new people of Rachelle's The Landing and in the sale the gift card balances were addressed. And as I suspected, the guy is a good guy and sent me his contact info to make it right. Well well...that's refreshing and disheartening at the same time because that means the new owner was LYING to me. boooo.

My husband spoke to him (previous owner) and he actually offered to refund the money. Nice, but I kind of feel bad for taking the money because it's these new peeps who owe me, right? I cannot believe these new owners are telling these sob stories when it seems they can only blame themselves. Hmmm what to do? I normally don't get all controversial and loud, but I really feel there are tons (according to new owner) of gift card holding patrons who were cheated. Cryin shame!

The moral of this story is........you can't treat people like that....you can't talk trash about people like that...you can't tarnish someone's reputation like that...cause you never know what "Snarky Mom" is lurking around the corner!!!!